


The Apprenticeship

by Nny11



Series: Close But No Cigar [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ages have been played with, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Close But No Cigar Universe, Gen, Not Beta Read, Small appearances by Obi-Wan and Qui Gon Jinn, Will add more tags as I can think of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9184537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nny11/pseuds/Nny11
Summary: The doors only open when a Master opens them for their Padawan, a subtle reminder to them that a student needs a teacher's guidance and that teachers must let them go. The force thinks it's rather funny when it alters history by forcing Master Yoda to take on a very young Ahsoka Tano as his Padawan.Follows Ahsoka Tano from when she is found by the Jedi to when she leaves.





	1. Ikutloa

**Author's Note:**

> A scant week later Ahsoka met her first Jett’i. He was a slender thing, large pointed ears and small pointed features. His whole body covered in a fine layer of golden and silver fur. He was beautiful and elegant, large eyes half lidded; calm as a hidden pool. But he felt wrong to her, he felt twitchy and itchy like a young babe separated from its clan. The pool was calm, but it was also shallow and bitter. Like smoke and ash.

At three years old Ahsoka had been tiny, a Togruta trait, slightly chubby, and overall very happy. She was old enough to be speaking, but it was mostly broken low speak. Her village had not been overly concerned since many children spoke late and Ahsoka had shown promise in other areas. Who needed speech if they could track and hunt, who needed speech if all the little details came to them? One did not need to speak to be happy or to help out around the village. Machee, one of the elders, had worked furiously to get Ahsoka claimed for the arts alone, he’d claimed that her ability to help him with beadwork was unrivaled with her small hands and eye for detail. Another had started to play a game called “what’s it” with a hunter, where she would point to distant animals and objects and Ahsoka would name them. Another man had often found use for her climbing trees and finding the nuts that were ready to harvest for his special brews. The doctor had her fetching plants and herbs. Her mother would have to ask half the village for Ahsoka’s whereabouts, as she was happily traded amongst their elders. She was the youngest of only three children in the whole village, so Ahsoka was used to being spoiled and argued over by loving adults. Her mother chief among them, letting her daughter “steal” bites of this from cooking and humoring her with songs and stories.

Her mother would squat as she checked the oven, a lullaby softly sung. Her rear lekk twitching in contentment as she prodded. Ahsoka would watch and play with her mother’s tools, hammers and drivers and all sorts of fond things. She would line them up each night and clean them, her mother would laugh and ask why, Ahsoka didn’t know but she liked to do it anyways.

She had a habit of digging at that age too, little spots where she dug to clay leaving a trail behind her, her brother Zizi was a tall man who delighted in pretending to fall into the little holes. Flailing his arms dramatically as he lay on the dusty ground, letting her climb on him leaving muddy hand prints behind. He made her charms from the sun baked clay, they were brittle and fell apart quickly but she loved them. He promised to make her a wood one some day, when she turned six he said. A good number, twice as lucky as three. Life had been rather plush and she liked it just the way it was.

Then she’d started showing. Ahsoka had always been different and she’d known that. Something had told her that, something others couldn’t hear. On her own she would occasionally get things to move, just to wiggle mostly. But at just shy of four Ahsoka had flopped to the ground, tired and upset. She can’t remember why, just that she was. There wasn’t a thought that went into her calling, she simply lifted her hands and called her ball to herself to hug. Big fat tears rolling down her face. It was like time stopped. Her tears were dried and Ahsoka could tell people were whispering. Her brother took her home while mother went to speak with the elders. He’d held her close to his chest, bouncing her and kissing her head.

There were a lot of meetings she went to after that day, with her soft spoken mother and her tall brother. They talked about money and people visiting their little village. The tourism trade on Shili was important to little villages like theirs. Herds and hunters kept them fed, but visitors came on occasion and bought beads, rugs, baskets, and occasionally had their holos taken with local wildlife. The tourism trade had dried up for them, the larger wild herds changed migration paths after a landslide blocked off a small canyon pass. They didn’t have a large hotel, only small tents that they over decorated with all sorts of silly things, but visitors liked them. Ahsoka helped to clean the tents and keep them ready just in case. She liked to sit on the large fluffy pillows and imagine all the things the little masks and statues had seen. The tents could hold up to ten, in a year they might get that or they might get half that. Being sash poor prevented them from building more things to draw more visitors, fixing the school, or building a little medical center.

There were some arguments at these meetings, after all, Ahsoka could bring in the funds they needed. And they needed rather badly.

Ahsoka had been a bit confused by this, she understood that, after all that was why she was being tugged in all directions by her people. Her beadwork could be sold at the Hwtik Market two days over. Animal pelts could be tanned and sold too, the meat could be cured and traded. The medicinal herbs could be sold to those farther from the plains. To be Togruta is to be a part of the community, is to aid your people and tribe. Even games were meant to help. And Ahsoka liked to help.

No, they explained, Ahsoka was a Jett’i. Jett’i were few and famous, and their homes were well known. Many people would go to see where a Jett’i had come from, to see what could have made a Jett’i great... Lots of visitors would go. There were even less Togruti among the Jett’i, so people would be more curious to see her home, to come to the village. More people was more money. It was a long term investment compared to having her produce goods. That was the phrase Machee had used, long term investment.

Her brother had been furious, refusing to sell her to the Jett’i. It wasn’t selling, most people seemed to agree, Ahsoka was Jett’i no matter what happened. She was born that way. Zizi had still refused saying that it wasn’t right, that if she was supposed to go the Jett’i would have already come for her. She can remember the way he looked, brave and bold and trying so very hard to protect her.

Her mother had placed her hand on his elbow, silencing him immediately. It was not their place after all. He’d fallen silent but held her tightly still.

A scant week later Ahsoka met her first Jett’i. He was a slender thing, large pointed ears and small pointed features. His whole body covered in a fine layer of golden and silver fur. He was beautiful and elegant, large eyes half lidded; calm as a hidden pool. But he felt wrong to her, he felt twitchy and itchy like a young babe separated from its clan. The pool was calm, but it was also shallow and bitter. Like smoke and ash. It was all wrong, no matter how pretty he was, Ahsoka did not like him. He didn’t look at her with curiosity or love, he looked at her like she was a small rodent to catch and eat. So she refused. When they played “what’s it” Ahsoka chose wrong. When they asked her to sort the beads she did it poorly. When they asked her to pull her ball Ahsoka pretended she didn’t know how. Her brother insisted that was how it always was, Zizi would smile his little mischievous smile. Her mother was not amused, her silver eyes staring with confusion and disappointment. But mother never uttered a word either, and Ahsoka felt that meant something too.

Master Jett’i was patient enough though, he waited almost three days for her to display abilities. Then on the fourth day as they walked he threw a rock at her. Ahsoka lifted her hands, scared and nervous from being so near him for so long, and the rock stopped in front of her face. He spoke very pretty words to her, and very pretty words to her people. Ahsoka did not want to go, he was a sulfuric spring, he was a destructive drought. But they sent her anyways. He held her by the arm, his grip a little too tight as he pulled her into his ship. The patience completely gone. When she tugged backwards he snarled at her, large canines and ears slightly back. Ahsoka had shrunk away, he was a predator and she was his prey.

His ship was small, cramped, dark, and putrid. Dirty clothes and plates littered the hall, blasters sat exposed on a rack when she turned her head back towards the now closed entrance. He pulled her to the back where a small cage sat and shoved her in with a low growl. He’d shed the large brown cloak as if it was made of nettles and biting ants. He shoved blasters into holster at his hips as she began to cry. He gave the cage a kick, it was so small Ahsoka barely fit in it herself, his boot left an imprint on her legs. When she’d cried harder he’d looked murderous and then the shock came. She shrieked and whimpered, but she made herself be quiet then. Tears rolling down her cheeks even as she stifled the cries.

She would be worth a mountain of credits he hissed, his shiny beautiful fur standing on end. And he’d thrown the cloak over the cage, leaving her in the dark and left.

Ahsoka had tried to open the door, she had, she really had, but it was so small and delicate inside the lock when she prodded with her powers. She could see it twisted but not how to push it the right way. If there was a key Ahsoka didn’t know where. She pushed against all the sides of the cage, the electric shock had come from something the man had held, the cage was only metal. But that metal trumped her small frame. She pulled the cloak up, peeking out to look at the room. She didn’t dare take it off in case it made the man angry again, but she could look and he would be none the wiser. Ahsoka didn’t feel too bad for wiping her eyes and blowing her nose on it. As she scanned the room desperately, she felt something.

A warm rain, the smell of shriwa root, the softness of a true smile. Ahsoka grabbed at that feeling and balled up all her fear, and she **pushed.**

And it pushed back. The first time anything had ever pushed back. Safety and help, stay put, stay put.

She gathered up her frustration about the cage and pushed that next. Her excitement at something pushing back going too.

It laughed, warmly, not at her. Safety and help. Stay put.

Ahsoka grumbled and kicked at the door again, what else could she do but stay put? She tried to push that too but couldn’t quite manage it.

The ship’s engines rumbled to life, the floor vibrating slightly with them as they began to take off. They whined and rumbled from the strain of it. No, that wasn’t quite right. The ship's engines whined with misuse, something had landed on them, forcing their ship down. There was a thud as they landed again. Someone banged on the hatch she could hear indistinct shouting and the man came around the corner snarling at her with his blaster out before disappearing again from view. Ahsoka dropped the cloak back down with a gasp.

Danger, gun, not safe!

It pushed to her again, calm, peace. Safety and help. Stay put.

There was a strange sound like lightening striking, like a small engine revving, and then a hum. A deep mechanical voice with a simple order, release the youngling. Ahsoka pulled the cloak off the cage and waited with baited breath. There was a shot fired, a choked scream, and a thud. A new man came around the corner.

He was tall like her brother, and wore deep brown tunics and burnished black boots. In his right hand was a bright blue light stick, no...a sword. His head looked like he had been badly burned, a mask covered his face. Two strange things like intestine hung from the sides of his misshapen head. He had three clawed fingers on each hand. He wasn’t beautiful like the mean man was. But he felt like...safety, big warm blankets, endless starry skies, like a pool deep and smooth. He smelled like cinnamon and rain. Ahsoka knew that he was the most wonderful visitor she had ever seen.

“See,” she said and pointed at the bars, “stay put. I stay put.”

He had chuckled again, “Yes I can see that. Allow me.”

He’d lifted his hand and the door had swung open as if it had never been locked at all. Ahsoka gave a huff and glared at the door as she stood up outside of the cage. She insisted, she didn’t want him to think she hadn’t tried, “I did that!”

While the mask hid his features, the man smiled. His blue blade gone, now hung from his belt in a pretty silver cylinder. Like a burnished drinking glass. He kneeled down, head tilted and half bowed. “I am Master Plo Koon of the Jedi Order. You must be Little ‘Soka.”

She patted his bowed head and bumped their foreheads together in greeting. She liked Master Plo Koon.

He’d carried her back out of the ship, to where her people stood in a crowd. All nerves and worry, fear and guilt. Ahsoka had smiled and waved at them as Master Plo walked down the ramp. She saw that the mean man was asleep and tied up to a scrubby little tree, and then she was taken inside the main building. This time they talked about what could be gained by Ahsoka leaving, and what could happen to her if she did. Master Plo answered their questions directly, never once asking to see her do anything. By the end of the day, even Zizi had admitted that she would be safer with him, with other Jett’i. Plo had then kneeled down and extended his hand to her, giving her the choice. She could stay, she knew that he would let her.

Instead she smiled, and could tell he was smiling too. Ahsoka placed her hand on one of his huge fingers, he’d gingerly closed his hand around hers and nodded.

When she left this time only her mother was there to see her off. Zizi had broken into tears again and only given her his tabard to wear someday. Then he’d left so she could leave in peace, without him there making it worse. She didn’t think he would, but he was insistent. Her mother kneeled and didn’t cry at all. Just held her, strong red arms trilling and whispering prayers over her. Bright silver eyes and a small soft smile. Her only promise, “I will watch for you always.”

Ahsoka had walked into Master Plo’s ship with the tabard folded up into her arms and watched as the hatch closed; her mother still kneeling and smiling. The ship lifted off gently, and Master Plo showed her all the controls as they drifted into the sky. There was no viewport but he turned on a small display so she watched her home become a speck on the land, and the land a blur on a ball, and then the ball disappeared altogether in a swirl of blue streaks. She gasped as it did, she’d always been able to feel her family, always always. As they’d gotten further away it had gotten harder, and in orbit for that moment before the jump Ahsoka wasn’t sure she could feel them. It was like something snapped in her and they were gone. She’d burst into tears then, Master Plo holding her tightly, his chest to her back. He hummed some song and lowered his head carefully on hers. She stared out through bits of his mask that hung over her forehead and reached, but there was nothing there.

“Breath Little ‘Soka, let me show you.” He’d rumbled soothing like a distant storm.

It was like being held in a way, he’d twisted her to look not outside but inside. Something there in her, turning, and twisting like yarn between a weaver's fingers. Strong and light. Soothing. And there, for a moment she could see many things all flashing by bits of conversation and smells and so many lights. And closer they went until there she could still find a little thread of starlight tethered from her to two others. Her mother, her brother. There they were. There they were shining softly almost lost among the glows. Master Plo was very bright, he was a flood light compared to them, but his appearance by her did not diminish their glow. Instead he gave her another line, this one dark and sturdy like a chain. When she tugged it went to him, and when he tugged it was like someone patting her shoulder or knocking on the doorway. Ahsoka was not alone. Slowly he lifted her out, back into the cockpit.

He waited, not speaking as Ahsoka thought about what he had done. What he’d shown her. When she settled she looked inside again, alone this time, and found them there. Her family and Master Plo. She pulled on the thread and he hummed in thoughtful appreciation. Her mother and brother were silent, too far away, but right here too. It made her feel better.

Ahsoka was grateful that he never let go of her though, that he never loosened his physical grip. It wasn’t so bad really. She could always find them now, always.


	2. Mamela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She slowly began to jog towards it, the pressure building, her heart pumping. It called louder and louder, more desperately. It seemed worried, like she would miss something. Ahsoka ran and ran, losing track of where she was and how to get back. The force was guiding her, calling her, demanding her. She was not going to deny it. \I’m coming, I promise!\ She slid around a corner and suddenly it stopped.

Ahsoka Tano was six years old and never ceased to wonder at the galaxy around her. An explorer and a wanderer by instinct more than anything else; everything was simply amazing. The dots flowing to each other, all scents and scenes and things that hadn’t happened yet.

When the force beckoned you, you were supposed to answer. So she answered, she answered every little call.

Creche Master Sullus was equally delighted and mortified by Ahsoka’s drive to explore the whole galaxy, mouth first usually. He was a good master though, using the little time he had to hunt her down during her forays to teach her about shielding, hiding, and camouflage. His aggrieved face betrayed by his delighted tone as he strolled, hands waving as he explained what she needed to work on. After all, he’d explained that most younglings her age didn’t have those sort of abilities yet so it was very exciting to help her.

Then again she was a little slower on manipulating objects so it evened out. Where other younglings could play push pull with ease Ahsoka was still struggling to consistently lift things and hold them there. Master Sullus had smiled fondly at her as she’d glared at a soft ball in teary frustration, one of his large hands gently patting her head to sooth her. The strange whooshing sound it caused around her montrals had tickled a little earning him a laugh. Just a little. The other younglings did try to help, sensing her distress, but it was a matter of practice.

Of course it didn’t really help that Clawmouse Clan had become so small, Ahsoka was the newest member and had already been here for three years. That was unusual by any rule, most youngling clans gained new members a few times year. She’d heard it from Tadek when he was whispering to his friends, that no new younglings were meant for their clan. It wasn’t right for him to gossip but it also was wrong to not have any new recruits.

Another factor was that Ahsoka was Togruta. Not that there was anything wrong with her species but between her love of raw meat, proclivity to pounce on her creche mates, and her small size she was something of a tiny terror for most of them. It created a bit of a gap where they would help her but it was something of a task to try and keep her focused on developing frustrating powers that had once seemed so easy to use. Of course Ahsoka was aware of this the same way a rock was aware, that is to say not at all.

She’d first realized it could even possibly be an issue when Elat had accidently kicked Ahsoka in fright, and hissed at her for being small and quiet.

Ahsoka had tried to assure her that someday she would be very big and quiet instead, but the other girl had not seemed very pleased with that answer. She had complained viciously about their Ahsoka’s biting and pouncing, but Elat had still shown Ahsoka a new way to jump that afternoon. She claimed that if Ahsoka was bent to do it, she’d better protect her knees. It was something that the girl had obviously heard repeatedly from one of the Knights or Masters.

That was just the way of things for Clawmouse Clan. She was just much younger than her creche mates, most of whom were already full initiates and ready to become padawans. It naturally caused some friction amongst them but was never anything cruel. Master Ti had visited Ahsoka a few times explaining that Togruta develop slower than humans. That she was going to be small and younger seeming for a long time, but that it was ok. It just meant that she had more time to really learn things, and help other new members when they arrived to master their studies too. Master Ti had said so with a smile on her face, sending small high pitched calls to reassure her.

It was supposed to be a good thing, but no one else came to the clan. So Ahsoka was simply small and young forever, or at least that’s what she felt.

With her comparatively meager course load finished, and the rest of her creche mates in initiate courses, Ahsoka had plenty of time to explore though. That was her favorite thing. She followed any eddie in the force and practiced her hiding as best she could. Being still in body was difficult but not impossible, being still in the force was much easier. So Ahsoka practiced more with physical quiet by walking slowly and quietly. She tried to imitate the walk that all Master’s just seemed to have, her fingers tucked into her sleeves. It was hard to do though. Eventually, she ducked in and out of the kitchen, getting food from the yellow Trandoshan cook who chuckled every time Ahsoka came in smiling. She took a second sneak of food off a tray from a returning mouse droid. It was important to secure food first, that was something her brother used to stress to her. Survival basics, her mother had chuckled, bring food with you so you don’t miss a meal. Ahsoka had then snuck into the Room of a Thousand Fountains (well, she was allowed in but Ahsoka had gone in _stealthily_ so that counted as sneaking) and drank her fill from a small pool she liked. She hadn’t been told not to drink from them, and the water was cool and crisp unlike what came from the taps. It had been a short trip to a fresher later that she’d started trying to follow people around the temple.

With so many people in one place there was almost always someone that Ahsoka could pounce.

It was easy enough to know who would and wouldn’t allow her to play with them. Ahsoka had long learned that jumping on padawans carrying stacks of data pads taller than her was not a good thing to do. She’d also learned that any knight or master walking at a good clip usually had somewhere to be and prefered if she wouldn’t. Jedi of very small size did not appreciate even a small Togruta jumping out at them, whereas very large Jedi often didn’t notice her until they almost stepped on her.

Once there was a wookie who **had** stepped on her, and it had really hurt. She had been bruised up badly and the healers used it as a lesson for choosing prey she could actually hunt. The poor wookie had come with her, his repeated apologies and guilty wails prompting more tears from her than the injury. Eventually he’d been shooed out for disrupting the healing process by a very harried looking healer, letting the now beyond nervous padawan work on her. He’d given Ahsoka a ride back to the creche on one of his shoulders and had taught her a few simple words in Shyriiwook afterwards though.

So Ahsoka had learned to mostly target other initiates, who were often willing to play with her, and with Jedi who regularly visited the creche. She tailed a padawan with coppery hair until he’d met with his master, a man who she was pretty sure was not entirely human based just on how tall he was. The padawan was usually willing to play with her, but when he thought his master was near the boy would stop in embarrassment. Not wanting to upset him Ahsoka had wandered until she found a new target. A Mon Calamari who seemed very pleasant in the force. Ahsoka was dissuaded when her prey had walked into an obnoxiously humid and cold part of the temple, Ahsoka hated cold humid. Which left her sitting on a very large ceiling molding high above her fellow Jedi, frowning thoughtfully and kicking her legs back and forth. If there was no one to play with that just meant she’d need to explore somewhere new by herself, but she just didn’t know where yet.

Ahsoka took a deep breath and managed to meditate for at least a whole ten minutes before her concentration was broken. Meditation was supposed to help Jedi find the right path, and think out their problems. She’d had trouble at first, but taken to it rather well. It didn’t really provide answers but Ahsoka did like the way it left her feeling clear headed and refreshed. Maybe it was the same thing? Usually she distracted herself back out of meditation, after all, being still was difficult.

This time though, something outside of her had broken her attention. Something in the force had been whispering to her. It was rain muted by the roof. Speeders in the distance. Drums from far away. _Here._ It whispered to her. _Here_ . Ahsoka dropped down easily to the floor, landing three point with her head tilted to the side listening hard as if her montrals would pick up the direction better. _Here. Here. Here._

\I’m coming!\ She sent back, and the force almost rippled with anticipation. A direction came to her feet and Ahsoka went.

_Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here._

Ahsoka’s feet carried her down the hallway, past all the robed people and pretty statues, the large windows and open arches. She wound her way around the temple, not a straight line but a spiral drawing tighter and tighter. Whenever it got too quiet Ahsoka would squat down, tilt her face up slightly, and listen.

_Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here._

She slowly began to jog towards it, the pressure building, her heart pumping. It called louder and louder, more desperately. It seemed worried, like she would miss something. Ahsoka ran and ran, losing track of where she was and how to get back. The force was guiding her, calling her, demanding her. She was not going to deny it. \I’m coming, I promise!\ She slid around a corner and suddenly it stopped.

The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable. It was like standing before her clan leaders as they discussed classes they should take, or Master Sullus when he spoke quietly with her about what she hoped to accomplish as a Jedi Knight. Serious.

But nervous.

The room she hesitated just inside of was large and empty. All carved stones and poured duracrete to form an entryway. Large pillars disappeared into the darkness above, each one covered in little symbols and drawings. The gloom obscured the rest of the space beyond a narrow strip lit only by the lights from behind her. At the end of the walkway, directly across from her, was a doorway made of heavy stone covered in deep carvings. The carving only visible as deep, heavy shadows.

\Here?\

The force did not call back, but something settled. Ahsoka knew then that she could turn around and leave. That nothing bad would happen if she did, everything would go on as it had before. Then again, she had been called here. It wanted her to move forward still, but would not compel her anymore. She knew that either way would be difficult. She also knew that she had been called for a reason. Jedi are force made flesh, they are willed by the force, they are the will of the force, and they spread it’s will and serve the galaxy as its hands and mouthpiece. Jedi are the force, and Jedi listen to the force. The force will guide you. It had guided her and now asked the hardest thing it could of her. _Trust me_.

Ahsoka chewed at her lip as she considered her options.

Trust was hard, it always had been. A man had come to her, all smiles and calm serenity, he had been wrapped in layers of darkness and all she’d see was fangs. She’d been right not to trust him, he had not been a Jedi. Master Plo was kind, and she loved him, but he had told her outright that he had interest in her success as a Jedi. That he would not break his own oaths to attach to her. He said he would always be there for her, and then disappeared for long periods of time. Their visits heartening but short. Ahsoka could trust Master Plo’s intentions, but not his actions. It was a truth about the Jedi she’d learned early on. All Jedi were helpful and kind, but most Jedi were also untrustworthy. They wanted to test you every second, to push you no matter what. Jedi wanted to help you help yourself, to have you grow even at the expense of being straightforward or honest. Jedi were kind, but hard as well. Selfish when they feared the outcome.

Ahsoka felt her heart thump the painful way it did when others spoke to her about her future in the order. This was the same sort of request.

Should she trust the force?

The force had told her that the slaver was a fake Jedi, and that Plo Koon was a good person. It had helped her avoid the meaner members of the Order, and how to find the people who were never Knights but still Jedi. The force helped steady her and guide her. The force had made her with a purpose. It was her. She was it. Ahsoka did not always trust the force, after all, the Jedi were tricky and they were also made up of it. But she did trust herself.

To trust herself was a way to trust the force. It was something of a novel concept to her. She grabbed that new idea with both hands. Ahsoka wanted to be brave.

She could always walk away if it was too much. She was very good at hiding. She liked to learn. The force felt calm to her, and Ahsoka let herself relax. Why follow that staccato beat if she was just going to turn back now? Someday she wouldn’t be here, someday she wouldn’t have the chance to see what this place was. It was a strange thought but she also knew it was true. Ahsoka took a deep breath, letting her cheeks puff out for a moment, and then exhaled harshly. She could trust herself and be brave. It called her here...

The first step she took activated something, a few lights coming on near the door. Dimly though, as if the tubes needed to warm up first. A few dotted the walls to either side, revealing mostly empty space near her and a few rows of benches closer to the door. Everything in here was clean, but it didn’t feel like anyone or anything had been here for centuries. Each step made her more aware of the weight of the stones around her, made the ceiling seem to come down lower and closer. By the time she’d reached the door at the far end, Ahsoka was timid again.

She fiddled with the hem of her tunic, and looked behind her. The way out seemed much closer than it should be. Just as looking towards this door had made the room seem cavernous, it now looked almost plain behind her. There was a soft rumble and a gentle scrape, Ahsoka’s head whipped around to watch the stone door slowly part in front of her creating an entrance. Clean air rushed out, air like she had been used to on Shili, so uncommon here on Coruscant no matter what they claimed about the air scrubbers. It soothed her, calming her agitation.

Ahsoka couldn’t see anything more than a simple hallway beyond the door, but it curved sharply down and away almost like it was running away. Something flickered in the back of her mind, and was promptly ignored in the face of this new mystery.

Unlike with her first steps into the room, slow and unsure as everything revealed itself, the moment she was past the doorway it slammed shut with a resounding thud. Ahsoka jumped and turned, seeing the end of a wooden hallway. If she hadn’t come through the door, there was no way she would have known one was even there. She reached a hand out and touched the paneled surface, but could not feel any empty space on the other side. Her senses told her it was solid several meters back.

This had, perhaps, been a very big mistake.

Ahsoka slowly turned around again only to find the hallway now stretched out before her. There was no ramp to descend. At the very end, very far away, was another door. Patting at her belt Ahsoka found the little strip of dried meat she’d taken from the cook, a half eaten protein bar, and her datapad stylus.

Ahsoka didn’t even have her com with her. She had come with nothing besides her habit and the force.

Squaring her jaw, Ahsoka marched forward. The little mantra in her head doing little more than distracting her from the feeling of being trapped and tricked. \You chose to do this, and you can do this. I trust myself. I can do this.\

The walk was longer than she would have thought, and slow going. She was unwilling to run, afraid that she’d become too tired to find a way out of this place after having been around the entire temple that afternoon. That didn’t mean she spent it thoughtlessly. Her hands touched the wall as she walked, looking for anything out of place. She scanned for visual differences. She even gave out a tiny high pitched call, hoping that her ability to echolocate had kicked in early and without her notice.

It was also easy to become bored very quickly when her vigilance was not rewarded with something more than wooden paneled halls and soft gold lighting. Not that she stopped, just that it was very dull to do with the tiny dot of a door slowly growing closer and closer. Of course the door became far more interesting as Ahsoka realized that these halls looked like they could be from anywhere in the temple, but the door…

The door…

In her village there had been no doors. The entrance to any building simply covered with a heavy blanket, sometimes a small wooden gate to keep out wandering animals. Each blanket was woven by the family that lived inside, the colors of their tribe, symbols of their clan, names of their families all put in and added on with loving care. This door was like those doors, always open and inviting. It was the purple of her tribe, but in the center was the flared wings and saber of the Jedi Order. It felt heavy and course to the touch as she gently pushed through it. On the other side were the familiar red and white grassy plains of Shili, and a small group of Jedi practicing their saber forms.

Master Plo drilled precisely with Master Yoda. Tadek was there with Master Ti. A mirialan with stern eyes and a kind smile traded blows with a boy about her age with long black hair. Elat practiced alone, doing simple drills and half sneered on seeing Ahsoka.

“Well?” She asked disdainfully. “Come on, you’re late!”

Ahsoka felt like there was something she was supposed to do about this, other than the obvious. Whatever it was flitted around in the shadows just out of reach and left her wary.

Ahsoka walked forward and found a practice saber resting on a rock. Picking it up curiously, she again looked at the group of Jedi. What were they doing here? She couldn’t really recall. Ahsoka quickly looked for the activation button and ignited her blade before falling into the opening position for Shii-Cho. This would be a good chance to regroup honestly, Ahsoka often found drilling to be peaceful enough. Master Plo had told her she fell into a light moving meditation at times. If she ever needed to meditate it was now. Their blades crossed in the first few motions.

The hidden thought niggled again, this was a hidden place. It was as if she remembered discovering it long ago, it took effort to drag the memory of passing through the stone door and wood hallway.

“How did you all get here? I didn’t even know this place existed!” Ahsoka glanced over her opponent’s shoulder watching the grass spread out as far as she could see.

“It’s not that difficult, it’s in the temple.” The young Twi’lek boy she was facing off with shrugged. “But isn’t it cool?”

She squinted, there was something wrong here, hadn’t she been dueling someone else?

Ahsoka nodded and chanced a second look around. There was a small well and a few trees nearby, and all she really wanted to do was play in them.

“Pay attention Tano.” Knight Krell didn’t snap, but his tone meant business. His blade tapped her own with some extra force to draw her attention back. Ahsoka refocused on their drilling.

This isn’t right though. She knows it isn’t. But what is wrong is the question.

The moves start to speed up, and Ahsoka finds herself forced to watch the training droid’s armature to figure out where it’s going next. The droid she is fighting has a long narrow face. A few more blows and it speeds up again. Sweat starts trickling down the back of her neck, under her rear lek and soaking uncomfortably into her tunic’s stiff collar.

Master Plo seems to notice her distress and only pushes her harder his blade blurring slightly as he slashes at her. “A Jedi must be able to overcome difficulties and train to reduce their weakness. Weakness of mind, spirit, heart, and body.”

Ahsoka steps back, trying to break off the encounter. Her lungs are burning and something is _wrong_.

But the padawan continues to follow her, forcing her to keep stepping back as he swings. “Are you even trying? Why are you here if you aren’t trying?”

“I am trying, I’m done. This isn’t-” Ahsoka stumbles over something, her blade goes out. She doesn’t even have a chance to look up before something hits her hard in the chest. Ahsoka flies backwards from the force of the blow, rolling as she hits the ground, desperate to get on her feet. She cries, “Solah!”

The young sandy haired initiate snarls at her, his deep blue eyes boring into her. “We are not finished!”

“I give in, solah!” Ahsoka shows her empty hands even as she backs away, ready to run if need be.

There’s a mechanical whirring sound, a high pitched squealing, and Ahsoka is flung backwards towards the trees again. This time the hit doesn’t scare her so badly, this time she is more prepared. She rolls to her feet and dashes to the nearest tree trunk, after all, they don’t call these stinging trees for nothing. Ahsoka pulls off a handful of the flakey bark and throws it into Elat’s surprised face. The girl jerks back, rubbing at her eyes and nose, coughing.

Ahsoka runs.

She can hear the sound of a hundred foot steps behind her, chasing her. Something flies past her head but Ahsoka rushes on unsure what they could be throwing. Ahead of her is a canyon, she has to jump. She can’t make that jump, it’s too big! Ahsoka flings her senses out and doesn’t see any other way. She can either stand at the edge and be killed, or she can jump. Ahead of her Master Yoda runs too, he flies faster than her but not by much. His small frame leaps into the air, soaring over the canyon with ease. He turns back hands outstretched, ready to pull her across the gap. She will jump and he will use her like a ball in push-pull.

Then she sees the long thick vines going into the canyon. She could climb down, she realizes with a start. If she went safely it would slow them down, she’s small and the vines will support her. The wouldn’t take Elat’s weight let alone someone like Knight Krell! But then they have advantage. It’s like the way she climbs up to pounce people from above. It’s easier to catch them if she does.

Master Yoda stands, his face filled with fear, and hands outstretched. He is desperately willing her to jump.

The force is silent, like it was at the door. She has to make a choice on her own.

Master Yoda’s eyes water, he motions for her to jump. The vines sway in the breeze. It’s so far to jump the canyon. She can’t let them pounce her. Her own eyes water as she makes a last minute decision.

Ahsoka jumps, putting every bit of energy she has into it. For a moment she’s sailing across, and then she starts to fall. Her stomach flies up into her throat. She’s not going to make it, she flails her arms hoping to somehow reach the other side. She is going to fall. The force sings and pulls her, guiding her to land hard on top of Master Yoda. He grunts as they go down but rolls to keep her under him, safe from their pursuers. He scans for them, his ears twitching slightly as he listens for them.

Ahsoka watches the ruddy grass sway above his head and for one moment gets a ridiculous picture of the grassy plain with Master Yoda’s bright green ears poking out. The nervous energy rears its head and she giggles as Yoda turns to look at her. As if he can read her mind, he chuckles, then finally climbs back off of her. He hums thoughtfully as he watches her sit up. Her back hurts, her hands are scrapped, and she’s covered in a fine layer of dust from the tumble. She’s shaking from the left over adrenaline and panting from the run. Cautiously Ahsoka gets onto her knees and peeks her head up above the grasses.

They are gone, the canyon is gone. There is an unbroken grazing field where it should be, a few fat a'ardiyah wander around and paw at the soft earth for roots. Ahsoka whips her head around looking for anything familiar but can’t find anything. When she finally looks to Master Yoda for guidance he just smiles and points. There, near the field, is a rock with something softly glowing on top of it. The rock hums softly, and the force suddenly uncoils leaving her more relaxed and exhausted than she’s ever felt. It takes real effort to stand. She stumbles to the boulder and grabs the stone, no, a crystal. It looks white in her hand, but glows with a green light.

She looks back over to Master Yoda and is surprised to see him standing in the stone doorway from the temple with his gimer stick. The ancient master doesn’t look like he just crashed into the dirt with her, the humor gone from his eyes. There is a heavy serious feeling around him but not her. Ahsoka can feel it, she’s back at the room. The grasslands gone. She glances into her cupped hands again, the crystal is there but the scrapes are gone.

“Hullo Master Yoda,” she mumbles half into her tunic. Ahsoka has her head tilted down and feels like she’s done something perhaps that she shouldn’t have. Her fist closes tightly over the singing crystal. It’s hers, even if she shouldn’t have it, she won’t give it up. She won’t.

“Good evening Initiate Tano. What is it that you have there?” He motions to her hand, his face unreadable.

She chews at her lip for a moment but doesn’t know. The crystal pulses with warmth in time with her heart.

“Hmmm, I see. And this place, how did you find it?” He asks as if she already answered his first question.

Ahsoka does manage to look at him full on this time. “I was playing find-me-not and didn’t find a good target. Er!” Ahsoka can feel her hands shaking with embarrassment. That’s not the word for it, but she can’t seem to remember it. Everything is so strange in basic and hard to think of. Her legs feel like jelly and her head feels heavy.

Master Yoda laughs and motions her to follow him to a bench. They both sit and he waits in silence for her to continue. She lets herself calm first.

“I decided to meditate on top of the doorframe to the first hall.” This earns another chuckle but she doesn’t feel so bad about it, it appears Master Yoda approved of the action. “And I could hear the force. It was calling me here, but once I got here it kinda stopped. I thought I was supposed to go in the door and decided I should if the force said I should. I’m pretty sure that’s what it wanted anyways.”

Ahsoka turns to look at the now closed doorway with confusion. “I don’t know what happened once I went in. I saw a lot of strange things. You were there though, and you helped me get away from the bad guys. And uhm…” It occurs to her that she probably shouldn’t refer to her fellow Jedi as ‘bad guys’.

The crystal pulses, and it just feels so comforting. She’s very tired. Her whole body droops.

Master Yoda touches one clawed hand to her closed fist. He doesn’t want her to open her hand, and she is grateful for that. “And this crystal? Find it, where did you?”

“You showed me where it was, the crystal glowed and sang. ...Master Yoda, what is it?” She looks at him curiously, the low lighting of the hallway casting him in and out of shadow.

“Your kyber crystal, very unusual. Chamber of Trial meant for padawans this is Initiate Tano. Able to pass the trials you should not be able to, find a kyber crystal you should not be able to. But here you have done both, hmm?” Master Yoda smiles at her, his force presence wrapping around her to soothe and energize her. “Helped you, I did inside the chamber?”

She gives a relieved sigh, the extra energy helping to at least prop her up, before nodding. “Yes Master. I don’t think I would’ve if you hadn’t been there. It was a very big canyon sir.”

His ears twitch slightly before he looks at the door again. His face is serious and full of concentration. The force is around them again, coiling in anticipation the way it did earlier.

“Open these doors do, only when a Master opens them for their Padawan. A subtle reminder it is. A student needs a teacher, but succeed on their own they must. What you describe, what I feel in the force, not subtle I think. No,” he taps his gimer stick on the floor and almost glares at the door. “Felt a presence I did, missing I knew you were, arrived I did as the doors closed. Waited I did to see who had entered. That is what the Master does, they wait for their Padawan to return.”

Ahsoka can feel something stirring in her. Master Yoda is clearly trying to get her to follow along with him, but the pressure from the force is getting distracting. “Are you, are you saying that you opened the doors?”

Master Yoda sighs heavily and looks at her again. “Opened them, no or at least not on purpose. But matters that does not...my Padawan.”

Ahsoka squeaks somewhere in the ultrasound waves lengths, her stubby lekku twitching with surprise. “Padawan?”

“Mmmm. Funny, the force believes it is.” Master Yoda chuckles at this as if he’s told her the funniest joke in the galaxy. His face remains tight, but his presence is welcoming. “Become my Padawan I believe you should. The force has made its point to us both. Accept my offer do you?”

The crystal thrums happily, and the force practically sings. Ahsoka swallows heavily and stares at her hand. The doubt is there again, after all, the force has been tricky all day and she’s listened. Now it’s being heavy handed, not just guiding but demanding and she won’t be tricked again. “Can, uhm, can I think about it?”

Master Yoda looks surprised, and then a warm smile breaks out across his face banishing the last of his tension. “Yes, yes, think on it you should. Meditate. Answer when you are ready.”

He shuffles a little to hop off the bench and offers her a hand. Ahsoka giggles a little and takes him up on his offer. She doesn’t let go once down. They walk quietly out of the room, and take a long walk back to the creche. Master Yoda and Master Sullus have a quick conversation as Ahsoka let go and almost stumbled past her creche mates to her bed. She falls in with an exhausted huff, crystal still gripped in her hand. Her head hurts, but she’s happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's left a kudos or a comment, I really appreciate it! The next chapter for interruptions will be sometime later this week, and hopefully I'll have the next chapter of this up a few days after that. Untangling the nanowrimo mess is always, woof, wow, mmmmm, you know?


	3. Koaloa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked up at him shyly, before touching the back of his tanned hands. He jerked away, a sliver of fear shooting through him, before he visibly forced himself to relax. As if he was unused to small touches. Ahsoka held her hands up and then reached out again, moving slowly so he could see what she was doing, this time she gently held his hands. “Won’t let you join what?”
> 
> His eyes watered a bit and he shrugged, trying to sound unconcerned and failing miserably. “The Jedi.”

It turned out that being Master Yoda’s padawan was almost exactly the same as not being his padawan. 

Well, at least for the first few years.

Ahsoka had only moved out of Clawmouse Clan a few months ago, but she still took classes with age mates. She did almost everything the way she always had. Get up early and go to crèche, eat first meal and take first lesson, meditation practice, play, second meal, and more lessons. She rarely even saw her Master in the mornings, he was often already up and preparing for his council duties. He had promised that someday she would wake with him, and claimed she would miss her quiet mornings. Ahsoka was sure she wouldn't but it wasn't her she place to contradict him.

The main difference, in her opinion, was that she had more classes when initiate classes finished in the early afternoon. These new Padawan classes were designed as mostly crash courses, a few were one on one, but a most of them were with a cohort of new Padawans. After all, every single padawan needed a crash course in the foundations of larger concepts, a survival skills course, first aid, and some general diplomatic skills. So they all learned together as often as possible.

Most padawans were excited to take these introductory courses, and Ahsoka was no exception. Master Yoda had warned her at second meal that they would be difficult and to have patience.

So Ahsoka had arrived a bit more than early her first day; her instructor, a young Knight, had taken a look at her and just sighed with weariness. He'd finally looked up when Ahsoka tapped his arm, having introduced herself with a bow the way she'd been taught. After another pause when she'd started to introduce herself again he'd stopped her and helped her to a front row seat.

Ahsoka had smiled and waved to every classmate as they came in. Hopefully she'd make a few friends her. The padawans were all rather shocked by her presence at first, a few thinking it was a test until their instructor had the do an icebreaker. At that point they had all been interested in learning more about her, why she was there and how.

It made sense, after all, there was an Ithorian padawan who could actually fit most of her in his robe’s deep pockets. He of course had made his desire to try and pocket her clear before pick by her up, which Ahsoka had appreciated. Even though she couldn’t understand him she could use the force to get the gist of it. After the pocket experiment Ahsoka had demonstrated her Torgruti trilling. He had stared at her in wide eyed wonder before laughing and flapping his hands in mimicry of a bird. Mefu was his name, written in perfect flowing Aurebesh on a piece of flimsi. After that the rest of the group suddenly relaxed, in a few cases literally clambering over each other to make friends until their instructor had looked up and saw them. 

Rule one was no pouncing, which Ahsoka found fair but frustrating.

Their group of six had quickly rallied around her, the littlest padawan they joked. Ahsoka liked them, they didn’t care all that much if she was struggling to keep up, they worked hard to help her. It was a completely different experience than being in the creche where people helped her to mostly get her off their (often literal) backs instead of because they were interested in her success.

The Padawans were also all very tolerant of getting pounced on, which Ahsoka appreciated outside of their classes.

After all , her Master was not pouncable. She knew, she had tried. He would simply catch her mid jump and settle her on the floor. Although once he had casually tossed her over to the couch to her delight. After jumping a few more times to be tossed he decided to attend a few of her swimming lessons just to toss her into the pool to amuse both of them. He’d wound up tossing a whole giggling gaggle of younglings into the pool.

She had never seen anyone shoo Master Yoda before, but Master Fisto had managed it with a smile before starting their lesson for the day. Mefu usually spent the time standing in the shallows practicing just putting his head under the water without panicking. Ahsoka usually wore several pool floaties and only went to the deep end if Isgerd or Nala took her out. The two humans easily towing her along with promises to not let her drown. When class was over her friends had walked her back to her quarters with a wave.

Evening was the only real time she got to spend with her Master but it was her favorite. She would take her last meal with him and listen to his stories. Ahsoka had to pay close attention since he would ask her pointed questions, why would they do this or were there alternatives, and none of the questions had a right answer. It was tricky but in a way she liked. A puzzle more than a joke. He told her that this was part of a wider training in diplomatic skills and politics, but Ahsoka wasn’t sure it also wasn’t just so he could tell her tall tales. Sometimes he would only tell her legends and tales, he would speak or show her things in the force. They were her favorites, he was a very good story teller.

As time passed Ahsoka found her duties changing, somehow more being shoved in without other things being taken away. Less time in classrooms although she was expected to still study on her own. Whole textbooks now sat on her personal data pad so she could sneak in a few paragraphs here and there. She spent less time in the crèche and less with her age mates, a whole year passing where she only saw Tadek once. And that was because he was taken as a Padawan during a council session.

Being a councilor’s padawan ment having council duties, just like her Master did. Typically this involved a padawan staying silently in the chamber during open sessions and aiding whoever needed it. She got a lot of practice for being body still. There was a lot of paperwork too, Master Yoda hadn’t let her do any of it yet but she was allowed to read over his shoulder and mark places he needed to sign with little tabs. His desk was a good size for her, so she often sat at it organizing files by color codes and marking them for review when she wasn't allowed into the council chamber. It was like the bead work she used to do in some ways, and she was good enough that some of the other councilors would send her data packets to organize too. She was fast at sorting and marking. 

She was too young to be in the council chamber for too long, inevitably being the first to stretch, or yawn,or anything. The other masters were understanding of her inability to stand silently against the back wall for hours at a time. As Master Poof had somehow managed to sniff with disdain, she was just a youngling. They still expected her to act like a council padawan when there though, which was a little intimidating. 

The few other council assigned padawans were too busy to even care if she was or wasn’t doing well, which suited her fine. The council padawans were nothing like her classmates. The three of them were all very quiet, serious, and prompt. They weren’t condescending to her, but they weren’t particularly friendly either. Distant, overly Jedi like she supposed. Ahsoka was glad that her council chamber duties essentially broke down to running pads to various Jedi in the temple, refilling the tea pot, and occasionally greeting people who came to see the council as it helped reduce the amount of time she spent with them.

It was outside of her classes and duties that Ahsoka noticed the most changes.

Of course news spread fast in the temple, Jedi were the galaxy’s best gossips. Pretty much as soon as Ahsoka had decided to accept Master Yoda’s offer it seemed that the whole temple knew too. They also knew that she had gone through the Chamber and found her kyber crystal. It had been impressive to literally be hours into her apprenticeship and already be bombarded with questions and comments. She hadn’t even gotten her braid yet and still everyone seemed to know. 

The braid had been wonderful too. Master Yoda had given her a short strand of silka beads with a twinkle in his eyes. He showed her how the little bead bracelet was now on his wrist again, she’d forgotten all about it but didn't want to insult her new Master by tell my him that. Master Yoda had her kneel as he attached the braid to her headdress. “More will come later, enjoy my ability to put them on you, without a chair, I shall.”

She had been unable to stop touching them that first few hours. A strange weight and they felt funny hitting her head, but she felt as protective of them as she was her crystal.

She hadn’t built a lightsaber yet, she just wasn't ready yet. Every day when she meditated with her Master, she also meditated with her crystal. Helping to infuse it with herself. Helping to familiarize herself with it and it with her. It was a small babbling little thing, like a brook, and Ahsoka was pretty sure her crystal had a sense of humor. Master Yoda frequently would tap her forehead with a claw, a gentle command of “concentrate” would make her realize she was giggling or wiggling in place. It was hard to be still when her crystal was so eager to be with her. When the force was so loud and friendly all the time now.

If this was what most Jedi felt in the force she could finally understand why so many of them had been confused by her questioning of it. But it had never felt so open and right before, the force had been helpful but it always left Ahsoka feeling like she was missing something as well. When she had been untrained it had been nothing more than a whisper and an aid, the unwieldy tool suddenly felt right in her hands instead of like a hindrance.

Regardless, it was strange to bound around the temple, beads bouncing up and down on the back of her head, as she delivered pads and ran information. Ahsoka had gotten used to not being noticed and hiding in sight as a youngling, now she was watched everywhere she went. It wasn’t all gossip or rudeness though, there were plenty of Jedi who helped her get better navigating the temple. She found herself being taught how to force run by Padawan Secura, and how to find short cuts by Master Sinube. With limited exception everyone was happy to help and highly amused by the hyper girl chosen by their ponderous Grand Master. 

Things were simply working out for her, and it was comforting in a way she hadn’t realized she’d needed.

The first year had gone by in a blur. Always working, which was lucky for her in the end.

It was coming back from a council run that Ahsoka felt something bright waiting in the antechamber. Brighter than she’d ever felt anything, she didn’t know anything could feel like that. Master Yoda was strong, but he was more like a large waterfall. Powerful and contained. This was like a sun, no like two suns-three! She walked as calmly as she could make herself from the lift, it didn’t stop her from panting after her run though. Ahsoka wanted to try and look the dignified part of her role instead being a sweaty mess, she could see one of the other aides in her mind’s eye half sneering at her. Stepping out, the little girl quickly looked around and was a bit disappointed. There was a freshly minted Knight asleep on the bench, his hair still shorn to a padawan’s length but a small, slightly longer, patch showing where his braid used to be. He was snoring softly with arms folded almost protectively over his chest and head tilted back against a pillar. Next to him was a boy who was staring at the ground silently. His clothes were rough and he twiddled his fingers, his signature was sensitive and screamed “don’t want to talk”. Probably a youngling who had gotten in trouble, found by the Knight. The suns must be inside the council chamber then, although Ahsoka couldn’t usually feel anything inside the chamber until she was there. But it had to be, nothing else seemed to fit. The thought didn’t sit right. 

Feeling a bit less silly for huffing and sweating, Ahsoka tapped her code into the door and was given a wait signal.

Ahsoka stepped back a few paces with a few snaps of her teeth, and glanced at the two waiting Jedi again. The man slept on, oblivious to the chiming sounds and her general presence. The boy, however, had been looking at her, his bright blue eyes startling and looking down again. The suns flexed for a second, coming in and out of focus. Oh.  _ Oh? _ Ahsoka smiled and walked over, in a whisper (really a stage whisper) she said, “It’s ok, I know a lot of people like to look at me.”

The boy seemed surprised that she had chosen to speak to him at all. For a moment he seemed unsure if he should speak to her at all. He looked up at the sleeping Knight, almost as if looking for permission, before asking, “Why?”

She tilted her head in confusion, more used to people asking about her so called exploits than not knowing. “I’m Padawan Learner Ahsoka Tano, apprenticed to Master Yoda.”

The boy’s nose wrinkled up, the suns wavered again and she was hit with a growing wall of nervous confusion. “Ok…?”

Ahsoka tilted her head the other way. All the other younglings always seemed to know. She awkwardly tacked on, “People think I’m too little to be a padawan.”

This time the boy smiled at her, something easing, amusement and something like relief. As if some silent test had been passed. “Well you are very small, how old are you anyways?”

Feeling somehow both gratified that he’d smiled and put upon to be a source of amusement Ahsoka shuffled her feet. “I’m seven, but I’m almost eight! And besides, all Togruta start small, someday I’ll be taller than you.”

His jaw dropped and he gave a strangled yelp, “Seven!?”

“Almost eight.” she mumbled into her tunics, head dropped low with embarrassment. Most Jedi weren’t so rude about it.

“Oh man no wonder Mister Kenobi doesn’t think they’ll let me join!” The boy’s head dropped into his hands, his signature now screaming shame and worry. His shielding was non-existent, all his emotions set out on a very loud display. His thoughts practically knocking down her own shielding. The boy was very strange but also very earnest, and Ahsoka latched onto that.

She looked up at him shyly, before touching the back of his hands. He jerked away, a sliver of fear shooting through him, before he visibly forced himself to relax. As if he was unused to small touches. Ahsoka held her hands up and then reached out again, moving slowly so he could see what she was doing, this time she held his hands. “Won’t let you join what?”

His eyes watered a bit and he shrugged, trying to sound unconcerned and failing miserably. “The Jedi.”

Oh.  _ Oh! _

_ But he’s one of us. _

She didn’t know how old he was but Ahsoka was pretty sure he was too old to be an initiate for much longer let alone a youngling. Ahsoka chewed at her lip, he seemed fairly miserable and she had never met such an old foundling. “Well, well that doesn’t mean you can’t be a Jedi though right? Can’t you join the Corps at least?”

“The Corps, what’s that?” He asked, looking hopeful and almost desperate. As if something terrible would happen if he wasn’t.

“There’s a few different groups of them. Medical, agricultural, mechanical, and explorers. They’re all mostly made up of Jedi, just not padawans, knights, and masters.” Ahsoka was wishing she had paid much more attention to the lessons on the Jedi Corps. After all, until she was a knight proper she might still need to chose a place with them. She hoped that they’d let her be a pilot if she did have to go, that seemed wizard.

“How can you be a Jedi if you aren’t a knight or a master?” The boy sounded petulant but his signature was curious. The words were still thoughtless and seemed mean spirited to her.

“That’s a rude thing to say,” Ahsoka started to pull her hands back, but his grip suddenly tightened. She frowned but squeezed back as his signature became embarrassed, the worry and dread from before pushed aside desperately. He was scared and didn’t know, Ahsoka felt bad for snapping at him. She had to keep reminding herself that he was not a Jedi yet. The first non-Jedi she’d really interacted with in years. “Plenty of Jedi aren’t knights and masters but they’re just as good.”

“Sorry,” he said it more to the floor than anything else, “I didn’t know.”

“It’s quite alright Anakin,” the Knight said with a small smile, startling them both. Ahsoka jumped as he looked at her. The knight gave a nod then a push in the force /It’s ok young one/. “But it’s good for you to know. After all, I was almost part of the Agri-Corps myself. Bit fond of them you see.”

The boy, Anakin, stared at him with wide eyes. “But, wait, you were gonna be a farmer? Like mom?”

The Knight’s smile seemed brittle for a moment before he said warmly. “Yes, although I would have been harvesting fruits and grains instead of water. A Jedi’s path takes many turns Anakin. The Corps could be a good place for you if the Council will not allow you to be trained for Knighthood. A very good suggestion Initiate…?”

Ahsoka smiled, the praise lifting her mood, and turned to bow to him. “Padawan Learner Ahsoka Tano.”

The Knight’s eyes twinkled. “Ah our famous new padawan! A pleasure to meet you, I am Pad-well, I am Knight Kenobi.”

The chamber door opened and her com suddenly pinged causing Ahsoka to squeak. “Sorry, excuse me!” She all but sprinted away to go help her Master, since she hadn’t actually be quietly waiting the way she was supposed to.

Master Yoda waited for her to dart in before handing her the next stack of pads. His knowing eyes flitting between the door where Knight Kenobi and Anakin were, and Ahsoka. “Refill the kettle hmm? A long night I think, a long night. Perhaps you will stay, keep your new friend company when this is over yes?”

She could feel him through their bond, Yoda used it rather sparingly and always with great care. He’d told her once that with her own center so new and impressionable that he didn’t want to influence her too much. She could understand why, when he shared with her through the bond there was always a moment where he’d almost overpower her. Now he was sending her more emotions and desires than actual words. She wasn’t good at speaking that way yet and too much of it made her head feel like it was stuffed with cotton. He was encouraging her to be kind and available, he was worried about something big. He was somewhat amused by her not doing something, and he was desperate for a cup of tea.

\Anakin?\ She pushed across, trying hard to make the name go. It only came as an impression (suns and callused hands, dusty smells and nervous energy) but Master Yoda smiled and nodded.

“Good for him to speak with you.” He added aloud.

Ahsoka nodded, and left to refill the tea kettle first with her Master’s desire for a hot cup still fresh in her mind. They had it tucked into a discreet corner along with a tap, so that task was easy enough. Scoop the leaves, fill the pot, turn on. Done, but always a side duty for padawans or aides. By the time she turned around however, Master Jinn, Knight Kenobi, and Anakin all stood in the center of the room. It was looking at them a second time that Ahsoka’s brain finally caught up to the thought, and she felt a bolt of excitement again. Forgetting decorum for a moment she ran over and hugged Qui Gon around the legs with a giggle. He laughed softly and patted her shoulders, his hands large enough to cover a fair amount of her arms and back too. She knew he had to be bowing lower than the council probably ever saw him bow before just to reach her without bending his knees, and the thought made her giggle again.

“Well hello there ‘Soka.” She could feel the way his smile grew, even if she couldn’t see it. “I promise I’ll be here long enough to visit this time my Aunt Padawan.”

His gentle teasing made her heart flutter, the force around Qui Gon was just  **right** and she wanted to spend more and more time with him the more Master Yoda had told her about him. She liked Master Qui Gon a lot a lot, he was always very silly when he came to see her. But he was a lot like Master Plo. Always getting called away.

As she drew back to look at him skeptically he squatted down to be closer to her height. It was his way of silently trying to communicate something to her, what she’d never figured out.

Ahsoka frowned even as his smile deepened. She told him sternly, “Ok, I’ll be back, don’t leave.”

“I promise you I shan't. Now, off with you, and thank you for the tea.” He gave her a gentle push towards the door and she broke into another run. Her body easily shifting to the fast loping gait her run had become, and the pads settled easily into the crook of her arm.

She used the lifts, then a shortcut, and simply ran unaided from there. Handing out pads to various Masters, all instructors and Master Sullus. It was mindless work but she liked it all the same, she was very glad that the Temple used a lot of one use pads so she could go all over without bothering anyone. In a surprising reversal Ahsoka was pounced on by a wookiee cub who roared with his success. A snaggle tooth gleaming in the light of the creche as Ahsoka wiggled out from under him and repaid the favor immediately. Her duties were momentarily forgotten as the two began a rather rigged wrestling match. Gungi was a foundling too, well, an initiate now. He had been approved just a few days before and placed into Bear Clan. A good stout clan for a good stout wookie. She wondered if Anakin would be in Bear Clan or Dragon Clan, they seemed like good fits. She hoped he’d be in Clawmouse, because then they’d be clanmates.

Ahsoka paused as she picked up her dropped pads, the pieces suddenly coming together. Master Yoda’s worry, the way he’d given her these somewhat pointless deliveries, the talk of a late night. A bad sign, all very bad signs.  _ But he’s one of us. _ Gungi gave a concerned bark when she didn’t take the pads he’d collected back right away, and Ahsoka smiled back with a shrug. Council business, there was nothing she could really say. 

After delivering the last of the pads she tried to walk the long way back, too worried about what might be happening to even make a game of it. All the signs were pointing towards a rough transition, probably arguing council members, and the longer it dragged out the less likely they would reach a decision everyone was happy with. There was a very good chance they wouldn’t take Anakin, foundling or not. Would he want to go home? Would he stay? Ahsoka couldn’t imagine traveling all the way here, finally feeling all these bright lights in the force, and then leaving. It was wrong. Before she knew it she was standing in front of the large ornate lifts to the council chamber. It loomed over her and Ahsoka sighed as she rode it up. Maybe she was wrong, Master Yoda did often chide her for assuming the worst. The force was silent. 

No one was waiting outside when she arrived and the panel still showed the last session in progress. Bad, bad signs.

That left Ahsoka sitting on the bench outside the council chamber, meditating with her crystal and waiting. She hadn’t been formally released from her duties for the day but she would have stayed anyways. Master had told her to help her new friend, and she would. 

As she waited there was a break, but Ahsoka was immediately called to her Master’s side his warning through their bond enough to prevent her talking to anyone else. Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi spoke quietly to one another along a wall, Anakin stood between them but clearly not listening. The suns were wavering, he was trying so hard to be calm but it was obvious that he was upset. He smiled at her enthusiastic waving, Master Yoda hadn’t forbid her from waving after all, but it didn’t seem to help. \You ok?\ she sent, but there was no reply.

Her attempt had gotten a warmth from her Master but a public poke to her forehead with the handle of his gimer stick, a single “Focus please.”

After he transferred information to her com unit she was summarily shooed to his office. Ahsoka had marked the documents and sorted them before putting them onto his drive, but didn’t feel as centered by the action as she normally did. She was too worried about the meeting and what might be happening to truly focus. Eventually, she snuck a snack from her Master’s desk and vowed to apologize for the theft, even if he’d bought them just for her. She had made it a point to start getting him snacks and bars from the commissary when she went. Feeling even less settled with her purloined treat Ahsoka slunk back to wait outside the chamber.

Ahsoka had been having a staring contest with some of the inlay on the doors when Knight Kenobi emerged looking ready to tear down the temple brick by brick. He had calmed on seeing her, or at least made it appear that way. There was a long awkward pause and Ahsoka wondered if she should reintroduce herself before asking about the council or not. He finally smiled at her when his stomach rumbled loud enough for her to hear. “Well, you heard the man, I think it’s time for evening meal. Care to join me Padawan Tano?”

Ahsoka could feel the stolen treat in her tummy and glanced around his legs. “Uhm, thank you Knight Kenobi, but if they’re done…?”

His smile faded as he shook his head, one hand coming up to touch behind his ear before dropping. “I’m afraid not, but they’ve heard everything I had to say on it. And, if it makes a difference to you, they put in a call to have some light food brought up to them.”

“Oh.” Ahsoka looked back at her com unit, still flashing “in waiting”. She should be here, but she was still hungry. They hadn’t called her yet and didn’t appear to plan on taking another break anytime soon either. Ahsoka finally nodded. “Ok.”

“Fantastic, no pouncing though alright?” His dimples were in full force and eyes twinkled.

Ahsoka had the grace to flush a few shades. “It’s ok, I already got Gungi.”

The two of them walked silently most of the way before either of them thought of a suitable topic. Well, questionably suitable topic.

“So, you have met my Master then?” Knight Kenobi asked, his tone light even though he still kept himself mute in the force.

“Yes, he was very nice.” Ahsoka was trying to be polite and make up for her emotional outburst in the chamber. Jedi were usually a bit particular about showing so much emotion. And Kenobi was lineage family, so he was basically clan, and she hoped she hadn’t offended him so soon after meeting him. She liked the open way he’d talked about almost becoming Agri-Corps, many Jedi did look down on them. He seemed nice, and there was no need to upset him further by saying his Master was silly.

“He mentioned you had a nickname for him, but refused to tell me.” Knight Kenobi started with a sly sideways look at her. Ahsoka frowned knowing that the two must have been communicating with their training bond. He continued blithely either pretending not to notice her unease or ignoring it, “You know, even though I passed my trails recently, I think it is still my responsibility to... ah, take care of my Master.”

Ahsoka scrunched her nose at him. He was hiding something, it didn’t seem bad but she didn’t like it when people tried to hide things. There was a beat where she could feel him reading her. This time Knight Kenobi flushed slightly in embarrassment rushing to explain himself.

“It is a padawan’s duty to help their master you know, I aim to help my master continue to learn patience, humility, and continue to build on his humor you see.” He jerked his chin at the commissary door. “I can also pay for the information. I am very good friends with a few of the cooks and I hope they wouldn’t begrudge me something special. What do you say Padawan Tano?”

Ahsoka finally smiled, understanding now what the hidden feeling was. Knight Kenobi wanted to prank his master, Ahsoka loved a good joke. “My name’s Ahsoka, and you have a deal Knight Kenobi.”

“Then just Obi-Wan for me, thank you. Find us a table and I will be back with a dinner fit for royalty.” He made an exaggerated flourish with his hands and bowed before walking briskly through a staff only door. 

She didn’t look very hard, but then again it was easy enough to find a spot the two of them could eat uninterrupted. It was later than most people ate at the temple so none of Ahsoka’s friends were here anyways. Not that her friends liked eating here, especially not the padawans who got to travel a lot. Truthfully, Ahsoka liked the food at the commissary, it was hearty and catered to a wide variety of tastes. Even if she couldn’t eat a salad or any of the strange spicy dishes, they were very pretty to look at. She liked all the bright colors. Of course, as Obi-Wan returned with two plates heaping with food, all custom made for them, Ahsoka decided that she might make more of a fuss about the regular food if she had that sort of power. Not even the trandoshan would make her something special, usually just handing her a piece of jerky from his belt. These plates were different, piled with specialty items and all sorts of things that were usually served sparingly.

It was a few mouthfuls in that Ahsoka made a choice. Yes, she had already decided to help Obi with his prank but that didn’t mean she couldn’t also prank him. She smirked and waited until he’d taken a large bite of a roll before telling him the truth. “His name is QuiGuy.”

Obi-Wan choked as he laughed, desperately drinking water to help ease the problem. It was a mean prank sure, but with so many people here Ahsoka wasn’t worried that it would actually harm him. She wasn’t sure why he thought it was such a funny name, but she appreciated it.

“I’m good at names! Ask anyone.” Ahsoka was sure she could come up with something good if he asked.

After finally composing himself Obi-Wan appeared to consider before he asked, “Master Poof?”

She let the first thing she thought of  fly, “Angry Matchstick.” 

When he laughed again Ahsoka wiggled in her seat. She had been right, Obi-Wan was a  **nice** Jedi. He wasn’t afraid, or mean. Sure they were teasing the council, but her Master teased them all the time so it probably wasn’t too bad.

“Well I hesitate to ask what mine is!” He said with no hesitation at all, in fact he leaned over the table with a gleam in his eyes. As if he was about to hear the most wonderful gossip, his fork absently twirled in his fingers.

Ahsoka let her head move with the movement of it, thinking furiously before smiling. She fluttered her eyes and leaned forward too. “Gullible.”

He lost out on a strip of nuna as he laughed again. “Well aren’t you just a bit snippy. Glad you’re on our side.” He tapped one finger on her head, not the way Master Yoda did for correction, but softly.

Ahsoka smiled before realizing that he’d stolen a meatball from her plate. “Hey!”

He spoke around the mouthful, “And easily distracted.”

The rest of the meal became a game of keep away, no touch, and a variant of find-me-not as they both tried to steal food from one another. Obi-Wan was the clear victor but was at least gracious enough to let Ahsoka eat herself silly anyways. Ahsoka returned the favor when he gave a literally jaw cracking yawn.

“Maybe you should go and get some sleep. I don’t think the pillar was very restful. I’m gonna wait for Anakin, I want to show him the garden!” She bounced a bit as she spoke, her energy renewed and more settled with food in her. Obi-Wan popped his neck, his eyes a bit more bleary now that there was some food in him.

“I am of the same mind young one but please feel free to keep me informed. I’m sure I’ll see you soon Ahsoka.” He gave a polite nod and collected their trays as he left.

Within minutes of leaving without her newest friend Ahsoka felt far more antsy. She was probably slightly riled up by playing with Obi-Wan, and all his fiddling. Fiddling with his fork, his fingers, his food, even his tunic at one point. Each motion had been a bit distracting as she waited for him to do something more. Ahsoka walked, slowing down with almost every step until she realized the force was trying to tell her something. Something hushed and tense, and she didn’t know why.

_ Back, back, back, be prepared, go back. _

Be prepared for what she wondered as her feet easily complied. Full day meetings were rarely a good sign, and this hadn’t been expected on top of it. The force kept whispering.  _ Bad, bad, bad. _ It left Ahsoka feeling worried and cold, even in the warmth of the antechamber. The doors were still closed, her com blinked that amber “in waiting”, and within minutes she was ready to try running up a wall. Her chest hurt with the pressure. She needed the force to stop, to just be quiet for a minute so she could think.

When the pressure grew worse she did the only thing she could think of. Meditation was more than seeking answers or refreshing oneself, although those were wonderful benefits. Master Yoda had taught her how the force could be channeled in meditation. Not bent to a Jedi’s will, but coaxed or requested. A damn diverting a river down a new path. Ahsoka had not been able to do what her Master did and he promised it would come with practice. If she’d ever needed to divert the force, it was now. Sure that she would get it this time Ahsoka kneeled on the floor and pulled out her crystal. Three long breaths in and out, relaxing her body, and closing her eyes. Several minutes to just let herself sink into it.

They would call her when they were done. She had to remind herself that they would not refuse her presence there. They would call her when she was needed.

The force drifted around her, swirling as her crystal haltingly levitated in front of her. It’s normally vibrant glow dimmed somewhat even as the humming got louder. She hadn’t felt this kind of pressure in the force since...she wasn’t sure. Maybe since it had tried to force her to accept her Master’s offer. Maybe since before. There was something heavy in the air a cracking point bearing down. Ahsoka caught her crystal as something rang in her head, painfully as the suns shifted inside. She couldn’t think what it could mean, just that it had to be bad. 

The force dissipated with a whisper leaving her feeling lightheaded and unfocused.  _ Foolish. _

The chamber doors opened and Qui Gon Jinn stormed out, his presence in the force a whirlwind of emotions and robes billowing from his long strides. There was no breeze or physical manifestation but Ahsoka still felt like she was being pelted with rain and howling winds. He strode past her, eyes locked on the lift doors. The council chamber doors snapped shut leaving Anakin inside ; alone with the council.

“QuiGuy wait!” She hopped up, scampering after him and sliding to a startled halt as he whipped around. There was so much anger in his face, his jaw clenched and eyes wild. She almost lost balance, clutching her crystal to her chest and staring. For a moment she didn’t know him. Then his presence all but disappeared into the background of the force. It was like Obi-Wan but twice as bad. His normally serene presence gone and the force muttering at her as he tried to bury whatever he was feeling. It wasn’t nice at all, it was like being pulled across the ground. Every second burning.

“Ahsoka, force, you should be asleep in the creche!” Master Jinn’s face twisted again as he looked at his chrono and then back to the doors. His voice was gruff and filled with disdain. “Come with me youngling, I will bring you back.”

She didn’t like this man she saw, this wasn’t right.

“I haven’t been dismissed.” It was a convenient excuse and true, making it the easiest thing to say. Master Yoda had used this trick a few times to allow her to stay out past her bedtime. She’d thought it rather clever and sneaky, but Master Jinn’s shields flickered and Ahsoka saw a bitterness in him as he turned his face to glare holes through the door. She blurted, “It’s ok! I wanted to stay up and talk with Anakin.”

And that, like magic words had been spoken, caused Qui Gon to finally deflated. The pressure in the force easing and his presence coming back a bit. One hand covering his mouth and the other resting on his hip. His eyes downcast as he breathed before looking back up at her. There was a gentle pat in the force as he asked for some sort of permission. Ahsoka tried to return it, mostly just sending her relief at seeing her QuiGuy again. He gave her a weak but genuine smile, kneeled down to be closer in height with her, and pulled her into a hug.

Ahsoka didn’t let herself freeze up, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. Master Yoda was not a hugger, most Jedi weren’t. Too much could be sent with skin contact, too much could be transferred on accident. Ahsoka liked that Qui Gon didn’t care so much and hugged him back for her own comfort as much as his. When he said nothing, only heaving a sigh, Ahsoka thought of the way Obi-Wan had brightened when they had played. She tried to put on her best master voice before intoning, “Feel better do you?”

He rewarded her effort with a small watery chuckle. “Much, you are very wise my Master’s sister padawan, padawan of my grandmaster, Padawan Tano.”

It was a silly thing, said to try and earn a laugh the same way she had tried with her impression. She kissed his cheek for the effort, his beard scratchy and tickling her nose. “What happened?”

“Foolishness, utter foolishness.” Qui Gon did not release their hug but pulled back to look at her. A guarded hopefulness, a thoughtful look. “You and Anakin, the two of you seem to have hit it off?”

“I think so? I’m waiting for him.” Ahsoka repeated, unsure what else to say. She gave a small shrug as she tugged at his long hair absently. She could see why Obi-Wan had been so secretive with his prank, Qui Gon was being sneaky too. He’d probably taught it to Obi-Wan. They were both very sneaky, and very much Jedi for it. She just wasn’t sure what Qui Gon wanted to do with that information.

“Good. Anakin will need a friend like you.” He motioned to the bench. “Sit with me?”

Ahsoka pulled her crystal back to herself with the force and nodded, easily perching next to her now silent companion. She leaned into him, more for his comfort than her own. This was certainly not the way she had wanted to spend time with Qui Gon Jinn, but something told Ahsoka that it was important for her to be there. That she was helping just by being, by breathing. She was good at helping. 

It was a while yet before Anakin finally emerged. Her com pinged the dismissed signal.

The suns flickered but had not gone out, shaded and blurred. He looked at both of them, tears just starting to fall and walked between Qui Gon’s knees to hug him. Ahsoka looked into the council chamber, calling in the force to her own Master, finding a wall before the doors swished shut. She hadn’t even caught a glimpse of him in the gloom of the late night lighting. 

Shaken herself, Ahsoka wrapped her arms around Anakin’s shoulders too then. The reality of the situation hitting her all at once. All evening had been bad. They hadn’t wanted him from the start. The council had refused until the refusal had been accepted. Anakin wouldn’t be joining any initiates in any clan. They wouldn’t even get a class together.

_ But he is one of us, he is, he is. _

It wasn’t fair. Not at all.

/He will be placed in the Corps, we will need to help him./ Qui Gon sent the thought to her, Ahsoka could feel her head hurting from the force of Anakin’s emotions, Master Jinn’s promise, and her Master’s sudden silence. Unable to push anything back she simply nodded into the back of Anakin’s shirt. 

The force continued to thrum and pulse, twisting like a giant snake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Moans into hands* Why was this so difficult to write? Why was this so difficult to manage? *looks at chapter word count versus the previous two and slams face onto desk*
> 
> I couldn't find a spot I wanted to break this up at, and there was a lot that just flowed when I wrote it. Hope you like the long update, and we'll see when I can get the next chapter at least half sorted. Next chapter is the last one that was written during Nano, after that I have 2-4 vague chapter ideas in various states of "actual words on a page". So expect longer delays between updates while I try to heard the cats I chose as characters for this story.
> 
> In other news I have several more short chapters mostly done for Interruptions, so yay for that at least!
> 
> Finally: Qui Gon's hooked on a FeeEEEeeling, and he's high on beeeeeelIEEeeving!!!


	4. Bobolu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two mother’s faces, superimposed on one another in grasses and sandy cliffs as they melded together. Feeling the scar at the base of their neck. What choice was there in the end, still better than what they’d been. His beautiful fur rippling as he snarled, blaster in hand. Kneeling in the dirt and the dust. Something chimed quietly and something else slammed shut. But she was still gone, gone, gone, gone-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy slightly delayed Valentine's my lovelies. Here's a really big chapter as apology and gift!
> 
> Feel free to ask me questions, world build, demand ficlets, or ask for updates on my new tumblr: https://nny11writes.tumblr.com/
> 
> Just as typo filled and distracted as the real deal!

At twelve years old Ahsoka Tano kneeled on the floor of her Master’s office as he attached a new larger bead to her braid. Master Yoda spoke softly but seriously explaining the responsibilities of a Senior Padawan, and how her schedule would change. Ahsoka was more responsible for her own education, and Master Yoda encouraged her to take a leadership position on any missions she was sent on. Although he did chuckle before reminding her that being a leader didn’t always mean talking, sometimes it did mean listening too. She would start rotating through the Creche with other Senior Padawans to help guide and teach the younglings and Initiates. A double promotion, he’d said with a twinkle in his eyes, as she became his assistant. All of it had seemed exciting as she felt the cold of the stone seeping into her knees and the new heavy bead pulling at her headdress.

It turned out to be far more overwhelming than anything else, regardless of how well other master’s said she acquitted herself. She was almost of an age with Initiates, and was still younger than many Senior Initiates, which made her Creche duties difficult. The Initiates tended to be skeptical of her and often tested her ability to act like a Senior Padawan, which left Ahsoka desperately trying to not clobber them into the mats during practice. It was frustrating to be seen as somehow lesser. She preferred the younglings who would easily swarm all over her, sticky fingers and mysterious new stains on her robes aside. They simply enjoyed seeing her. Master Sullus had beamed when he’d spotted her monitoring a game of push-pull between the Initiates.

“If it isn’t my little shadow pup!” He said it with such pride and fondness. Ahsoka had fluffed up just a little at the way he spoke about her to the class.

Of course the Creche was one thing, and the Council was another. After all, she was no longer a simple Council Padawan but a full Councilor’s Assistant. There was no more filling the teapot or getting to spend the afternoons running. Ahsoka had her own desk, it was next to Master Yoda’s, but this one was hers. It had seemed very exciting until she realized that she spent hours a day there sifting through paperwork, drafting paperwork, and sometimes even half filling out paperwork. All the decisions she made were low level as well which certainly sucked away her pride. Instead of making big life altering decisions Ahsoka was hunting down the Quartermaster to get commodities for living quarters, she was arguing with purchasing about the types of tea the Temple could buy, and occasionally it was getting dressed down by the Jedi Corps if she hounded them too much about the flooring or renovations.

It was strange sometimes to think of how many people her actions were now impacting in small ways. A new pallet here, a complaint about a missing food item from the commissary there.

Master Yoda had cackled at her one afternoon as she’d tried to sneak a nap on her desk in protest. Ahsoka had refused to rise to his bait more than moaning into her arms as he prodded her in the force. Eventually, he claimed, she would get more important work to do.

“Until then, humble you should be. Helping your Master you are, proud you should be!”

And she was proud to help him, but just wished that help had more to do with her impressive acrobatics or her ever growing ability to pack away food. Council work was boring she decided. Important but boring.

Ahsoka didn’t even want to consider what a headache registering for classes had been. Without her Master’s signature gracing everything many Knights and Masters turned her down flat due to her age. Something that hadn’t been a problem even a few years earlier. Ahsoka had to then sit through a lecture about why she couldn’t use his electronic signature to gain sway, which was silly because she wasn’t trying to get favors. She just wanted to be in the right classes.

Along with these sorts of responsibilities had been the promise of new freedoms. That day when she was promoted her Master had let her know that her time was more limited than average but that she should still take advantage of her new ability to leave the Temple by herself. No supervision, without a chaperone, no mission required; she didn’t even have to tell anyone she was going. Just that she did still have to stay planet side and was on call in case of an emergency meeting of the Council. If she wanted to spend all night out in the city, she could. Master Yoda had been just as serious about her free time and ability to explore as he had been when he told her of her new responsibilities.

“Your time, spent as you chose it should.” He smiled at her and poked her forehead. “Perhaps you should not pounce strangers however, hmm?”

Ahsoka had barely held back a moan of embarrassment, she wasn’t some youngling who pounced anymore! She didn’t even hunt or stalk anymore. That was what babies did, and she had long outgrown the habit. If she spent some of her free time letting younglings try to hunt her...well that was completely different.

She didn’t know when her Master expected her to go into the city though. Between classes, training, certification exams, council duties, and Senior Padawan duties Ahsoka was pretty much running from well before dawn to sometime after dusk. Ahsoka told herself firmly that she had too many duties to go explore. The Force told her otherwise. It sometimes pulse, writhed, and generally made itself a nuisance.  _ Out there,  _ it whispered,  _ go out there! _ She tried to ward it off, it wasn’t as if she could just drop everything to follow it’s call anymore. But the Force was nothing if not insistant. After a few scant months Ahsoka could feel it, that thumping, drawing, feeling driving her to distraction. Master Yoda had eventually been the one to call her aside and put her on two days full leave to “take care of it”. Ahsoka should have been more ashamed that her Master had to make that decision for her, but she was too excited to finally quite the Force back down. To follow wherever her feet wanted her to go.

It was ultimately a poor decision in her opinion, even if the Force almost seemed to purr around her.  _ You belong out here _ . Ahsoka personally felt better at the Temple.

Coruscant was bustling and loud all the time. Every rotation, every week, every month, and every year. Non-stop. I was overwhelming and muddling after so many years in the Temple, where there was at least some semblance of order to the quiet chaos.

During her first day off Ahsoka had gotten terribly lost, her senses over stimulated by everything. Her montrals rang, her lekku throbbed, and she felt like every person she passed was watching her. Tourists took photos of her and a few too many strangers had touched her for Ahsoka’s liking. She’d eventually stumbled into a quiet store and had hidden herself completely in rack at the back of the store for a half hour centering meditation. She’d tried again after that but it was just...it was Coruscant. It was a blur of colors and smells, screams and screeching and horns, until she somehow wound up at a diner with a large Besalisk who had taken one look at her and snorted in amusement.

“Aren’t you a little young for your first excursion Padawan?” He’d asked it with a slight frown but had guided her to a seat at the bar anyways His voice had been tired as if every new Senior Padawan eventually ended up dazed in his restaurant their first time out. “You even got money to get a bite or anything kid?”

“I’m not stupid!” She’d mumbled and fished for her credit chit, a gift from Obi-Wan. He’d given it to her with a grin and a wink, telling her she’d never know when credits could be useful. He’d hastily explained that he didn’t expect her to bribe anyone but that it might make her some friends to buy a meal. Ahsoka thought she’d said it quietly, but judging by the man’s face he still heard her whining. Flushing, Ahsoka held the chit up so he could see it. “Knight Kenobi told me I have enough for at least a few meals.”

“Kenobi?” The man chuckled and slapped the counter top. “I swear Obi-Wan collects ‘em all. Put it away kid, was gonna be a free first one anyways.”

A squeaking robot had arrived a few minutes later with chops so rare they still bled a little when she’d cut into it. She offered to look at the droid, or to bring Anakin to look at the droid but had only gotten a laugh in return. Apparently it was a quirk of the droid. Dex had told her a few tales as he cooked, he rounded them out with a distinctly fictional tale that included directions back to the Temple. Ahsoka was grateful for them, and for her new friend. She almost drained the chit leaving a massive tip.

Overall it wasn’t a bad day, but she knew that she could do more if she just got used to all the hustle and bustle. Really day two was the problem.

Most of her cohort was ready to spend an afternoon pushing apparently every single limit placed on them. They were also all much older, practically adults. There was even one girl Ahsoka had never met before who was apparently a full legal adult. She had been disappointed to think that they would all be off as a group while she got turned around. It was Tadek who grinned at her and said it was their duty as Jedi to support one another. So they used her new status to sneak Ahsoka everywhere they went. 

They’d all tried gambling but found it difficult without the force, and very much illegal with it. There had been a race up the side of a private building, with all of them jumping through someone’s patio. She’d been dragged to a loud cantina that was only technically part of the upper levels too. Everyone else enjoyed their alcohol and Ahsoka enjoyed her greasy food, until a few drunk patrons began making a fuss over them. There had been a few blasters drawn and a lot of shouting. She was pretty sure they had been kicked out although Kierut acted as if it was his idea to leave. The fact that his boasting about it only grew the more she gave him a flat glare didn’t do him any favors.

It was kinda funny to listen to Mefu’s drunken nonsensical burbling as he wobbled back and forth a bit as he walked, only pausing to complain about his stomach aching. After they wandered apparently aimlessly for an hour, Ahsoka suggested they head home. That idea was was met with snorts and boos. They’d somehow ended up in the Midnight District and Ahsoka had only gotten a look at a board with some very bizarre service offerings before Mefu’s giant hand covered her entire face. She was beyond grateful for his timely intervention. The two of them had literally backed up, turning shades and burbling and trilling apologies. Ahsoka was pretty sure Master Yoda was going to know that she had spent her second day doing not very Jedi things and had arrived back at her quarters ready for a scolding.

He’d taken one look at her in the morning and cackled non-stop. “Strange large world we live in hmm? Too adventurous for my Padawan perhaps. Perhaps a bit more discretion, and listen less to your friends you should.”

Ahsoka had spent that day doing a lot of aerobics and calisthenics, and had a sneaking suspicion it was her Master’s way of ensuring she wasn’t getting plastered. Which was silly, she wasn’t even old enough to drink and it made you act stupid. She also spent a fair amount of time listening to Master Yoda’s reminders, subtle though they could be, that she was still very young and was his Padawan. Two things that her friends had often forgotten about her as they bent laws right and left, and learned their places with nothing more than a scolding from their own Master’s. 

It wasn’t that they meant to be mean about it, but she decided she was never going out with them again.

Ahsoka couldn’t just take a risk and hope for the best, she was apprenticed to Master Yoda.  **The** Master Yoda. She had thought about that before she’d accepted, how he was a Grand Master and de facto head of the Order and Council. But a six year old couldn’t possibly grasp the nuances and pressures that entailed. She’d known it would mean extra duties and responsibilities, she’d assumed it might have something to do with conduct. But little her couldn’t have guessed at the politics, the in-fighting, the very subtle but very important machinations that they were both subject too. That standing a few centimeters this way was offensive for being too forward, but a few that way was offensive for being too passive. It was beyond not fidgeting and now she was a Senior Padawan which only meant more, more, more. 

Six years into her apprenticeship and Ahsoka was only now realizing she knew just enough to know she was ignorant. It was an uncomfortable thing, to know she’d not understood at all, to know that she was probably misunderstanding now, and not being able to see what she needed to do. Her place in the Order dictated that she hold herself to a different standard and that she figure it out on her own. Unlike her cohort if Ahsoka was caught bending or breaking rules it reflected on Master Yoda. 

Her chastisement had become more public and harsh, and the private lectures from her Master difficult to bear. At nearly thirteen that was true more than ever.

So today, when she had a full hour of time to herself, Ahsoka found herself sitting in an old transport in the Temple hanger, staring out at the Coruscant skyline instead of exploring its streets. From this vantage point she could only make out the tidy grids of vehicles that moved endlessly between the skyscrapers dotting the horizon. From this far away there it almost looked like there were no people who lived there, like it was a model instead of a city. Ahsoka managed to name a few of the ship types as she waited, arms wrapped around her legs as she watched each drift by. A pure silver ship passed languidly overhead before swooping lower into a different stream of traffic, most likely on course to land around 500 Republica. It had to be a senatorial ship of some kind, or a supplicant to the Senate. Only politicians had ships that shiny and showy. Maybe the occasional visiting Royal. She didn’t have much experience with royal ships but she had seen the Count’s sun skimmer when he’d left. Ahsoka winced and looked away, pretending it was the glare from the ship that made her do so.

Master Dooku...Count Dooku, she had met him only a few times but Mas-Count Dooku had always made her nervous and shy. Master Yoda and the Count had often argued, and their two large force presences were a burden to suffer under even when they were calm. Both felt heavy and deep, glaciers or boulders that crushed the unwary under them. The Count had a hard and uncompromising air about him which only intensified her unease. Little impressed him, especially her and the connection they shared in their lineage. That had been one of the biggest fights the two Masters had had, talking of riff raff and potential as if she wasn’t there. Her Master’s arguments all in having faith in the Force and in her potential rather than her accomplishments. Dooku’s cold assessment of her abilities, experience, and the probability that she would last as a Jedi Knight. Ahsoka had stood rooted to the floor and watched, unable to leave without one of them granting her permission. A Padawan could not simply leave if they didn’t like the conversation. So she stayed and she had cried silently not knowing what else to do. 

Eventually Dooku had noticed and huffed, “She is not even old enough to control herself, Padawan you are dismissed.” Ahsoka had practically run from the room and had hoped that Master Dooku would just stop coming over. He didn’t seem to like speaking with their Master so he should just stay away! Far away.

Now she wished more than anything that he would’ve come by more, spoken with Master Yoda more  frequently. Whatever problems he’d been grappling with, whatever he had been trying to exercise, whatever he’d wanted to solve so far away from the Order and the Temple all those years...Ahsoka wished Count Dooku could have found the answer. Dooku was gone. He had left the Jedi Order, and he had practically spat on their Master’s teachings in the process. Now, it was as if their whole line was somehow tainted. Dooku gone, Komari dead, Knight Reus was practically a shadow herself almost eschewing the Jedi. The only sane one left was Qui Gon Jinn, and that was saying something. And for all Master Jinn’s other padawans who had flourished everyone had focused on Xanatos.

Every lineage had it’s own trials, tribulations, and problems. But this was Master Yoda’s line, and it was falling apart rapidly. Splintering. Failing. In a very public manner.

It was like all of them had all their flaws under bright neon contraptions. The lights blinking on and off, arrhythmic and syncopated as the Order tore each person’s past apart looking for reasons. It wasn’t true of course, it wasn’t. Knight Reus was somewhat reclusive but did her duty, and used the skills she did have for the Republic. Many Initiates feared even the slightest interaction with her once they knew her. Ahsoka had never understood that, but they pointed out that Ahsoka had Master Yoda as a Master. That was probably twice as stressful as interacting with a strict and quiet Knight. They either insinuated or out right claimed that Knight Reus was on a knife’s edge. That she was a time bomb waiting to happen. Ahsoka never saw that when she had interacted with Knight Reus. Studious and traditional in her way. Ridged.

Qui Gon was also still with the Order, and while he was a bit more independent than most Jedi, there was nothing wrong with him either. But they didn’t like the way he had focused and honed his connection with the living force instead of the cosmic force, they didn’t like the way he chose Padawans, they didn’t seem to like very much about him at all. Ahsoka didn’t like the way people whispered Gray Jedi around him, as if it was an insult. Picking apart his attachments as if no Jedi had attachments, poking at his anger as if he alone struggled with it. The diplomat who started wars. The Order’s fingers poking into his life. She didn’t like it, but Ahsoka had gotten a massive reprimand when she’d intervened upset on his behalf.

Master Yoda had snapped at her in the hallway and all but dragged her behind him to their quarters. The door was snapped shut and he gathered himself up while sitting her down. Where he seemed to pull himself back together; she’d practically flung herself onto the floor, arms crossed, and eyes welling with angry tears. Ahsoka had rebuffed his attempt to send her calming waves through their bond, and he’d grown quiet then.

“Accomplish what you wished my Padawan?” He asked, voice heavy and weary as he leaned on his gimer stick.

“No thanks to you.” Ahsoka mumbled into her runic collar, and glared at Master Yoda’s feet. It seemed beyond her to glare him in the face.

His presence went tight, and then released a ball of tangled energy into the force. The whole room vibrated in the Force as he just let it go without care. It froze her in place, the humidity suddenly felt oppressive as she realized she’d forgotten to shield herself from it. The energy he realised floated around her chest making it feel tighter. Her eyes dropped further and shoulders curved in as she tried to hide in the plain air. She’d never actually seen Master Yoda angry before, she’d never seen him frazzled. 

It made her feel small to know she’d been the cause.

“Mmmm. Thanks to me, prevented further gossip is. Give them more to fuel their fears you do. Your anger they sense, and who will they blame hmm? You must think beyond. Let them prattle, the truth it is not. Do not be baited!”

Ahsoka kept staring down, more hugging herself than before. Scuffing the soles of her boots against one another.

“Prey are you to be baited?” Master Yoda asked more forcefully when she didn’t respond.

A few years before Ahsoka had been allowed back onto Shili, not to her home village, never home, but Shili all the same to hunt her first Akul. She had talked endlessly about preparation and things she’d learned about hunting one. Bait was a key for dangerous prey, to lure them out before making the kill. Master Yoda had smiled and nodded even though she got the impression that the whole idea of the hunt was foreign to him in a way she’d never understand.

“No Master.” She said and looked at him, Ahsoka wanted him to know that she understood even if she didn’t like it.

He gave her a pointed a look. “Then do not bite.”

So Ahsoka grit her teeth as best she could, and reminded herself that the Order would find something new to chew on soon enough. That was the Jedi way after all, to flit from one topic to another and gossip endlessly about it. And it certainly had.

Both Master Qui Gon and Knight Reus were well settled into the Order and had been scrutinized on and off for years. They were both used to this behavior, Knight Reus scowling with irritation as she explained their lineage issues once when Ahsoka was assisting her. With Dooku’s departure the Order found itself gossiping up and down his lineage without pause or consideration. Once they had gone through everyone else, it really had left only one logical conclusion.

It was easier to speak of, or about, a young Padawan than several rather formidable Knights and Masters after all. Especially when she was as unconventional as the rest. Ahsoka hadn’t quite been through the knock down drag out gossiping as her distant Padawan siblings. So she was far less prepared to discover that people watched her carefully, as if she would be next. It was still  easier to ignore them when it was about her, Ahsoka knew who she was, it was worse when they spoke ill of those close to her. Still...Ahsoka did not  **like** the way harsh whispers followed her, where everyone had watched her before to see her succeed it was as if they waited now for her to fail completely. 

The gossip was not the worst part though. Something in her Master had changed as time went on.

Master Yoda became hardened. He was not the first to lose a former padawan, not even the first to have their padawan leave the Order. But padawans usually left when they were just that, only  a Padawan Learner. A Jedi Master had not renounced their standing in thousands of years, and it cut her Master to the quick. Yoda’s focus on her became all that much sharper for his struggle. He was still kind, but he was far more strict, as if making sure she would not leave required a heavy hand. Their lessons spoke more of inner turmoil, dissatisfaction, duty, honor, and fortitude. He insisted on ever increasing her meditation and took almost full control of her education again. She almost missed arguing with young Knights and crystallized Masters now that her Master simply selected all her coursework himself. To anyone else it appeared like a punishment, after all it was a classic punishment for padawan’s who had proven untrustworthy or irresponsible. So the whispers grew.

Why would a Jedi Master leave? What had happened? And the most gossiped about, had Dooku fallen? His line had others who fell in it. Who was next?

So they followed her now, heavily. Watching. Waiting. Ahsoka felt suffocated by all of it. Her Master’s strictness and the Order’s vigilance chafed. The force sat silent and overbearing, growing heavier every year. Something still whispering warnings to her but the message becoming more garbled by the day. Ahsoka missed the way the force used to sing to her. How the force had once babbled and laughed. The change left her on edge. Blocking out their words and actions was difficult when there was no respite. Her patience was constantly frayed, her ability to contain herself was rapidly unspooling. She just needed time to recharge, she needed time to reset. To rest.

Ahsoka just needed to disappear for a while, be someone inconsequential for a bit. Coruscant certainly hadn’t helped her at all, despite being a supposedly perfect place for it. Ahsoka couldn’t disappear the way it made people disappear because eventually she had to resurface, and she was Master Yoda’s apprentice, and he would  **know.**

Instead she stayed inside the Temple, and hid away in the small spaces or forgotten places. She snuck into vents and spent time repairing droids that had been left in dusty closets. Sometimes she would explore older sections, the way she used to wander as a youngling. But mostly she hid in the hangers because that’s where Anakin was. It didn’t hurt that wherever he was she found all sorts of ships and speeders. 

Ahsoka had wanted to be a Jedi Ace several years back, but she’d been pushed away from that ambition by her Master. He appreciated the Ace’s talents, saw that there was potential with her, but deemed that there was something greater she was meant for. While Ahsoka wasn’t sure what Master Yoda was grooming her for exactly she still felt the way he’d pushed her away from flying keenly. She took other classes from all sorts of people all over the temple, almost all of them by herself now. Half the things she was learning seemed to contradict the other half. It made it hard to even know what he was planning for her. Council Member was a rather obvious one, Council Padawans were always groomed as potential Council Members and Master Yoda had been on the Council for centuries. But what else could he want. Was she supposed to be a shadow, a negotiator, a political liaison?

Too many questions, and the few answers there were did not seem to indicate “pilot” in any way. Despite her mechanical skills, it also didn’t seem to indicate “grease monkey” to her dissapointment. Ahsoka didn’t even have enough time to make flying a hobby with the new schedule and her Master’s overly watchful eye. She glanced at the beautiful silver ship again, glinting in the distance. She wasn’t like Dooku, he probably didn’t even notice how wonderful his solar sailer was.

Ahsoka reminded herself that she didn’t even know what type the silver ship was, just that it was beautiful and flew. 

“J-type 327 Nubian Cruiser,” Anakin said as he leaned on the back of the co-pilot’s chair. He reeked of sweat, oil, and metal. It was familiar and comforting. The tips of his fingers rested at the sides of her head, leaving hot spots even from the small, resting touch. “That was what your force signature was lamenting about right?”

Ahsoka sighed in wistful agreement, but chose not to whine at him about all her concerns. Afterall she felt guilty about it. Anakin was living a life much closer to what she’d hoped for, but she was living the life he deserved to have. That was not a fair trade off. So she tucked her foolish, selfish problems away. He was the most powerful Jedi anyone had ever seen. Outshining everyone in the Corps and the Order alike. Anakin’s sheer raw ability and talent in the force had never lessened, but he had received some instruction to help make it less noticeable and far more useful. He had mastered telekinetic powers within his first year at the Temple. He had quickly graduated to learning more about self discipline and self containment. His teachers had even given him a crash course on reading other’s force signatures and sending his impressions to someone else. All of it of the lowest levels, none of it at a higher level than the most advanced of Initiates. As a consequence, Anakin wasn’t the best at picking up on specific thoughts, or performing any of the more in depth maneuvers but they were working on that together. 

They were working on a lot together in snippets, ten minutes here, a traded pad there.

It was the one rule Ahsoka broke, refused to abide by, and kept secret. Anakin read all the books with her, proofed her homework, tried his hand at answering some of the questions himself. He had woken her up several times just to talk philosophy with her. She helped him with moving meditation to use during work and helped him through silent meditation when she could. If he happened to pick up her lightsaber and work through his katas without igniting the blade it wasn’t like he was hurting anyone. He was learning self discipline. And he was  **good** at. 

Anakin learned and absorbed it all at an amazing rate, sometimes leaping ahead of her in subjects she’d been studying for years after just a few weeks. Ahsoka had told him he should have been a scholar and had spent the afternoon avoiding pranks he’d somehow set up. They’d sliced him into the library database and he had simply devoured what he could at that point. Outstripping her in several topics, practically tutoring her in some. Anakin was brilliant, kind of like a mad scientist at times as he tried to combine new elements without building up to them, and with all the explosions one would expect. Brilliant all the same.

“J-type 327 Nubian Cruiser...it’s wonderful.” Ahsoka agreed. Anakin was teaching her more about mechanical work, and naming ships and shuttles that she dutifully filed away. He’d even gone so far as to speak with her Master about having Ahsoka learn more shuttle repair or take a basic flight class. Master Yoda had been scandalized to have a youngling telling him what to do with his Padawan. Ahsoka had been mortified and touched that he’d even asked. It hadn’t gone well, and Anakin was still temporarily banned from their quarters for his lip. Ahsoka tightened her shields and forced herself to look at the ship again.

Master Yoda had told her that Anakin made a common mistake, of looking in at himself and his wants instead of out at other’s needs. 

“Look outward you should as well,” Her master had warned, “blind yourself to the galaxy if inward your gaze is trapped.”

Basic translation: Be in the moment Tano.

“She’s fast too! One point eight hyperdrive.” Anakin’s voice was brimming with excitement and wonder. “I’m gonna fly one someday.”

Ahsoka snorted and finally craned her neck to look up at him. “You sure got a thing for Nubians.”

Anakin had sprouted like a weed and shot up ridiculously tall, and Ahsoka had a feeling he wasn’t done yet. Humans had those weird growth spurts that would suddenly send them up inches at a time, and not always completely proportionally but Anakin claimed he was almost at full height already. Ahsoka preferred the slow and constant growth she had, Anakin’s growing pains had not been pleasant to behold. Beyond that he had let his hair grow out on top, all tied up into a messy bun at the back. More because he could than because of anything else, he was trying to grow facial hair but so far it just wasn’t taking. He had Obi-Wan’s delightful habit of blushing to his ears and he had even more freckles than he did before. From her current vantage, Ahsoka mostly saw his stained blue jumpsuit and a few scraggly would be hairs. Ahsoka grimaced and noted that she probably had some sort of grease or grime on her lekku from where his hands had touched.

Anakin shot her a dirty look and grumbled, “Shut up!”

He half swatted at her montrals and muttered something Ahsoka was sure wasn’t flattering. It did exactly nothing to stop her smirk from growing wider.

“Sorry forgot that you’re sensitive about Mrs. Skywalker-Amidala!” Ahsoka got a second harder swat for her efforts. Her montrals were still small, and Anakin had learned that almost any sort of touched made them itch or tingle. It had gotten bad enough over the last year that she’d turned to Master Ti for advice. What she’d gotten was a laugh and had been shown to a pillar that had some scratch marks on it. Master Ti had smiled down at her now laughing charge. It was embarrassing but very validating too. Anakin simply took the advantages he could. Vindictive bantha. “Ok, ok, sorry! Sheesh!”

“How am I supposed to meditate like this Soka? Now I’m worked up! Rude.” Anakin pushed back from her chair before plopping into the pilot’s seat next to her with a heavy, aggrieved sigh. “Also doesn’t seem like a very Jedi like thing to mock people’s ambitions.”

His tone was still light, no trace of bitterness to it, but it still made her uneasy.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes and tried to keep the charade going. Anakin had never quite let go of his ideas that being a Jedi meant having a saber and a braid hanging off his head, but he at least would concede that he was technically a Jedi too. So if anyone was being un-Jedi like it was him Ahsoka decided with a disgruntled huff.

“Let’s just do this ok?” She whined, wishing she could pull the words back and be more mature. Ahsoka was supposed to be the pseudo-master here, at least for this particular session.

Anakin just smirked at her before settling into his seat. He took in a slow, deep breath which she quickly matched. Then a second and a third. His hand slowly extended to her after the tenth, resting on the consol between them. Her own lightly rested in his on the fifteenth. Within a minute they had sunken into a mutual meditation, their senses somewhat smeared together with the force wrapped around them both. 

Ahsoka concentrated on hiding both them, keeping them off anyone’s radar and blocking anyone from noticing Anakin’s presence was different. He was so bright in the force that it was often a struggle, but with practice it was not an impossible task. She covered him in clouds and ash, blankets that built a fort keeping the light as dim as it usually appeared. It couldn’t appear a shred lighter than normal without someone noticing. Distorted through deep water. Ahsoka justified that it helped her own hiding practice too, keeping them both hidden to a degree was as hard as hiding five other people. 

Anakin focused on just connecting to the force the way one should during meditation, and the ways in which he could reduce his presence on his own as a far distant goal. He needed to be able to slip this deep without Ahsoka joining him, acting like a lead weight to help pull him below the rush. He just wasn’t there yet. Anakin was easily distracted, the force was so loud for him and clear that it would begin shouting a hundred things at once. It was hard for him to quiet it, to listen to what was important instead of the white noise all around him. Then even if he did this he would have flashes, images he couldn’t remember, impressions that had nothing to do with the words. 

For Ahsoka the force was a lazy stream, for Anakin it was a hurricane. The only real goal was to someday allow him to easily access the force on his own without the overwhelming nature of it pounding him into the ground. 

That tended to make the Masters nervous, when it overwhelmed him because it would overwhelm the rest of them. Anakin was on constant watch for flare ups. His place in the Corps could be jeopardized if he didn’t get it under control.

It wasn’t that they hadn’t taught Anakin anything, meditation was on that list for self discipline. Anakin just needed more than they wanted to give, more help than was appropriate for a member of the Jedi Corps.

She hoped that by helping him learn more about himself, more meditation, and more general force instruction that he would find peace waiting for him in meditation instead of an exhilarating but terrifying whirlwind.

Time slowly ticked by, each second stretching to its full potential before the alarm would chime. They usually had a half hour max, but today Ahsoka had managed to secure just over an hour. It wasn’t unusual for her to join Anakin when she needed to get away so no one thought twice about her disappearing into a ship with him. Master Yoda was watchful, but so far had not barred her from seeing Anakin. Ahsoka felt the worry again, the new Master Yoda might. He was conflicted about Anakin already, and was concerned about Ahsoka’s attachments. Her “new” Master might order her away and then what would she do?

For a moment Ahsoka blocked Anakin out with her own self, the fear and worry slipping out and releasing in a puff of smoke. She had hoped he wouldn’t notice but they were still twined together. Anakin saw it as a flash of lightning and his mind turned to her suddenly. Ahsoka was pulled in for a moment disappearing into him as he flared.

The new hard lines, frowns, snaps. The dread. The sadness. The feeling of helplessness. The feeling of upset, verging on anger. The desire to be more than some ideal. The desire to touch the sky. She hadn’t even been allowed to take a basic flying course yet. The feeling that her apprenticeship would never end. Regret to not have been an initiate longer. Anger on his behalf. Her own appalled sense of what he was seeing. \Distorted!\ The kindness and stories. The small jokes. The contentment and feelings of self worth. The pride at what she’d accomplished. Choosing this life, choosing her Master, choosing to do more and more. Joy at having done all she had, and excitement for what was to come. The desire to be a Jedi, the desire to work for that. The desire that he could have a life like her’s if they worked hard enough. 

/Distorted/, his mind pushed the single word back from her mind unable to form his own yet. A strange echo as she managed to disengage herself partially.

Then, he suddenly retreated, breaking that connection off fast enough that it hurt. The meditation didn’t end but it took a heartbeat for the inspection he gave her, another for his faint guilt and apology. What he had done was rude and invasive. His own shields dropping letting her see a glimpse. Ahsoka was curious, she was almost always curious, and she leaned forward pulled into the glimpse of memories he was wildly sharing. A vast desert stretching before them, flying past them as he pushed the pod to its limits. The blue sky, so startlingly similar to the one on this city planet half a galaxy away. The cold, always cold. His mother’s smiling face, the joy of working on an evaporator and getting it to work again. The joy of fixing things. The joy of, the joy of- 

Two mother’s faces, superimposed on one another in grasses and sandy cliffs as they melded together. Feeling the scar at the base of their neck. What choice was there in the end, still better than what they’d been. His beautiful fur rippling as he snarled, blaster in hand. Kneeling in the dirt and the dust. Something chimed quietly and something else slammed shut. But she was still gone, gone, gone, gone-

Ahsoka jerked, their hands shifting apart breaking the contact as Anakin gasped. She twisted, needing to look at him, unable to place everything she’d just experienced. Not sure she wanted him to understand everything he’d just experienced. What they had just done was dangerous, wildly dangerous for two half trained Jedi. If her Master found out this would be beyond a reprimand. She didn’t know what he’d do. She needed to make sure Anakin was ok, that he was safe.

But Anakin stared out the viewport, his face so lost and hurt, eyes shining with tears as his skin blossomed into blotchy pink patches. Not good, not good at all. Ahsoka had barely reached out towards him when Anakin slammed his hands onto the controls, the transport shuddering to life and lifting. He punched a code in and the lights turned green across the panel.

“What are you doing!?” Ahsoka stared at all the controls, watching him the same way she watched all pilots when they flew. Like she might die if she looked away, although it seemed a bit more apt this time around. The suns blazed with determination and he felt like a wall squishing her into her seat, through the floor, crushing her to the ground. Anakin’s face was frozen solid in a frown.

“Strap in.” He all but hissed, his own restraints left undone.

Ahsoka hesitated, bit her lip, and did as he said. Her heart was pounding. What if Master Yoda called her back early for council duties? She was free to leave whenever she wanted to. What if something went wrong? She looked out as the ship pulled away her eyes wide as saucers. The city shined and moved and breathed with life.

When Master Plo had brought her to the temple, he had pulled her to the ramp to watch the Temple come into view. Coruscant had whizzed below them, but his arm wrapped around her middle made her feel secure to watch. She thought it looked like an insect colony, like the field of termites near her home that built large towers as far as the eye could see. Each one covered in shiny yellow lacquer and swarming with little black bugs. They crisscrossed the mounds, neatly avoiding each other or amiably climbing over one another. Ahsoka had spent hours just watching the pulsing, moving towers as they shimmered in part from their shiny lacquer coats and in part from the swarming insects. Coruscant was that writ large. 

Ahsoka had loved that, watching the city below from the Temple’s tallest towers when she felt bad. It felt like being home and safe on Shili again. It felt like something simple. She hadn’t done so in years but the image came so clearly, the feeling of peace and safety were so crisp that it didn’t matter. She hadn’t flown over Coruscant since she arrived, she’d been Temple bound and hadn’t even gotten to leave for a gathering. 

The latent connection she had with Anakin flared for a moment, untamed. She felt a burst of pride, grief, joy from Anakin as she tore her eyes away from what he was doing to watch the world pass under them. He slowly angled them up and all she could see was blue. The trillions of pin pricks in the force fading behind them.

Blue, purple, white, black.

A glow worm cave. A jeweled ceiling. A thousand lanterns. She’s seen images before, been in simulators, but this was different.

Ahsoka slumped into her seat staring and staring, face hurting from smiling. The whole galaxy spread out in front of them. The force sang,  _ this is right, this is right! _ And they sat in silence and stared. Her at the stars and Anakin at her, his smile equally large. He could do this, he could give her this.

He could do more. He should do more.

It was Anakin who moved first, already kneeling next to her before Ahsoka had remembered he was there at all. He leaned forward, wrapping her up in a hug, his presence in the force as firmly behind his shields as possible. When he pulled back there was a large smile in place. “Ok, ok, for real now, we don’t have a lot of time. Flip these two switches, and press this button when the light goes orange.”

Confused but happy to help, Ahsoka complied and the ship powered down almost completely. It was exciting,  _ it was right _ . Not the toggling of switches but him and her.

“Ok, now flip the switches again. When the light’s green then hit the ignition, it’ll pull us back to full power.” Anakin’s voice was soft, he was pushing a few images to her as best he could. Concepts flashing past her to help guide her.

The hull shook as the engines kicked back in. Ahsoka hands shook as she understood what he was doing. Each motion already logged and memorized.

“Grab the yoke, and dial the speed up to one quarter.” Anakin’s voice was still a whisper, his eyes almost closed as he sent more images to her.

Anakin pointed to what Ahsoka needed to to press, flip, switch, or turn. Had her relax her grip. Had her check sensors and read back stats. She flew them in small patterns, getting used to the ship. Taking to it like a fish to water. When Anakin finally sat again, he walked her through reentry. His hands relaxed on the yoke but prepared to take control. She took them towards the traffic lanes and he took over to guide them through the throngs of ships. There was no way she could handle the ship that close to other things. Not after her first flying lesson, but Anakin still had her help him land in the Temple. 

Then, almost suddenly, they were docked once more; facing the hangar entrance and watching the city outside.

“Perfect first flight Snips, I promise we’ll do more of them.” Anakin whispered it, almost like he was worried saying the words would ruin them. They were perfect to her.

“Thank you.” The words were whispered back, she couldn’t express what she wanted to. What she needed to.

He chuckled, “Don’t thank me until I get you into one of the swoop races at least.” His eyes glinted with a manic glee. Without his pods to race Anakin had begun on the local swoop track, and Ahsoka had declined to trade her life so quickly for a joy ride. Now though...maybe there was something to it.

Ahsoka opened her mouth to reply when her com pinged five times in rapid succession. She was late to attend the council, she had missed Yoda’s call to her, she had three messages waiting for her. 

Her comm, with its limited capabilities, had finally caught back up with the Temple’s communication hub and was rapid firing them to her. 

Ahsoka could feel her throat tighten as she looked at the time, hours had passed. Hours. How had she not noticed so much time passing in space? She didn’t see a recorded message from her Master’s call and instead read the messages from him in order. Starting with the instructions, the second message cancelling those instructions, third instructing her simply to return to their quarters. She groaned as she looked at them all, her training bond was silent and she found a closed door at the other end. Master Yoda must have checked right? Must have seen she was ok...must have seen the closed parts and the walls warm to the touch from the suns.

Anakin leaned over her shoulder to see the messages, a scowl growing deeper as he scanned. His voice was tight and dismissive. “He’s not going to die if you aren’t there to fill the teapot for one afternoon! All gods help us if a venerable master has to fetch his own dried leaves!”

“Anakin,” Ahsoka said it without any real force as she undid her restraints, not even looking at the sky as she tried to leave. She didn’t want to fight with him about this, not like this, not right now. Right now she wanted to go to her room and meditate properly, seal the sensation of all that wonder away. Not have it ruined by an old fight. Then she needed to speak with her Master.

“I’m serious, it’s not like the Council didn’t make it without you standing doing absolutely nothing behind Master Yoda for years. He’s over reacting!” Anakin’s voice rose with almost every word.

“So are you! I was supposed to be back already. If I’d just asked him before we’d left, Master would have let me stay out. He has a right to be upset when I break my vows to him.” Ahsoka ground out, feeling frustrated that such a great afternoon was now marred, and only looking more bleak. She stood up only to find Anakin was standing in her way.

Anakin, for just a moment, looked thunderous. His eyes were wild with something as he glared at the back of her chair, jaw working as he struggled to control himself, fists clenched tightly. He finally managed to look back at her, a fanatical glint to his eyes. “You are allowed to leave whenever you want and you aren’t supposed to get in trouble for it. You didn’t even do something bad like get drunk or have sex, or anything. He should just kriffing let you live for a single karking day, you aren’t some-you are allowed to!”

Ahsoka could feel her lekku tighten with embarrassment and outrage. Her own anger finally coming to the fore as she hissed, “I live everyday just fine thanks. Master Yoda was probably worried because you’re right, I don’t do this. This is the consequence of what we did and I’m glad he cares about me!”

“Maybe if the little troll wasn’t trying to box you in we wouldn’t have needed to go out at all!” He was shouting now, his face purpling. His presence in the force overbearing.

She didn’t care.

Ahsoka could feel her feet planting to the deck in defiance. A lot of people called her Master a variety of names, usually in jest and kindness. Master Yoda delighted in throwing names back at people, and he had long since taken on the name “little troll” as something of a personal moniker. 

This was different. This was Anakin, her friend, who called her Master that with anger. Called him that to be cruel and callous. To hurt her. Ahsoka drew herself up and leveled a deadly glared at him. “Don’t ever talk about Master Yoda like that again Anakin. I never want to hear you say that again.”

She’d tried to say it calmly. Even if her fists were clenched, even if she was leaning forward. The suns went into supernova.

“Fine, fine! I just want you to be able to do what you want, and to see what’s  **out there** but let’s make it about how I’m an asshole!” He hadn’t moved an inch, in fact he seemed to be trying to loom over her.

“That’s not what I said, but I’d agree you’re being a jerk!” Ahsoka threw her hands up and then scrubbed at her face. Her own anger only seemed to fluster him more and Ahsoka let her breath out in a shaky burst. Master Yoda’s eyes staring at her.  _ You are not prey to be baited, do not bite. _ Her head hurt from the tension, her throat was closing up the more upset she got. Anakin was an idiot, and once they both calmed down they could actually talk like reasonable people. “I’m leaving.”

“No, we aren’t done yet!” Anakin crossed his arms tightly over his chest, a snarl on his face. He drew himself up as well, his presence spreading out. All bark for the moment as he blocked her exit.

“Yes, we are. Move.” She didn’t have to deal with this, or with him. Why did he have to be like this?

“Make me.” He jeered at her, arms now stretched out blocking the exit completely. It was double vision, his body blocking the exit, his energy blocking the Force.

For a moment Ahsoka wondered what he would do if she did make him, what he was going to do if she didn’t. She didn’t feel afraid, or even worried, she was a trained Jedi. For all his success he was just a mechanic with a few fancy tricks. He didn’t even have a lightsaber, she could easily...she, she could...the fight went out of her as the shame came. The words revealing something rotten in her. Something that sounded like Dooku. 

Her lightsaber felt like a lead weight at her hip and she wilted. “Please. Anakin I just want to leave. Please.”

For a moment he looked ready to tear into her before doing a slow double take, his face crumpling, his shoulders hunching over. It felt somehow worse once the suns went out. His arms dropped back to his sides as he took a half step away. “I, ok, Ahsoka I’m...I didn’t mean to be…”

She pushed past him, she needed to leave. She needed to meditate without feeling him pressing in on her. She just needed to have some time to herself. She whispered, “It’s fine.”

It wasn’t.

He didn’t follow her.

Ahsoka wished he would’ve.

At the bottom of the ramp there was a Master and two techs about to hack into their ship and board. Ahsoka could feel only more guilt pressing her down. She was supposed to be helping Anakin with these issues not adding to them. She smiled tightly, emotions locked behind a wall as best she could. “Sorry about the flare up Chief Tak, I promise there isn’t a problem.”

The Chief was a lanky woman with a ridged forehead and a penchant for hurling wrenches. She also didn’t give a hoot about intentions, only results. Chief Tak rolled her eyes and stomped up the ramp, closing it behind her without a word. Anakin was in deep poodoo because she couldn’t keep it together. No, he’d been angry too, but, she didn’t want to think about it. Ahsoka tried not to slump as she skirted around the Master’s thoughtful gaze and walked to the door.

Ahsoka nearly jogged to the quarters she shared with her Master. Master Yoda spent most of his days in the council chamber, creche, his office, or one of the many meeting rooms in the temple. Which gave her some very much needed time. She needed to release these emotions and she needed to center herself. She needed to do more than she could before he would undoubtedly arrive after feeling her flare up. She dropped, sitting cross legged in the center of the living to try and meditate. Concentrating on the physical feelings in her body one by one to drift off. The humidity pressing in on her most of all, billions of water particles in the air, the living force. Ahsoka had learned to find it comforting. 

It felt oppressive now.

Ahsoka slips close to the surface of the Force, once, twice, three times. As she huffs and is ready to give up the Force  _ drags her down _ .

_ Fire, smoke, blaster fire. A banging sound, like ten thousand drums. Screaming and heat. Ahsoka sits alone, kneeling on a hard stone floor. Hands clenched on her knees as she stares ahead looking for something. She had expected to see something and it wasn’t there. She doesn’t know what. Time warps uncomfortably, pulling at her. Lightsabers whirling wildly, a deadly dance without color. A warning. Something is wrong, something is going terribly wrong. Faces blur past her, one face? More? There is burning pain in her chest, her heart feels like it’s exploding. _

Her eyes flutter as the vision fades before she can grasp it. A warning, some kind of fight? She was alone.

Snapping out of the vision Ahsoka opens her eyes fully, heart pounding, and finds Master Yoda sitting on their low table watching her. His own eyes half lidded as he watches her. “What see you?”

“I’m not sure,” Ahsoka casts again for the vision unable to find it, “a battle. Heat? There were people, and pain. White...pain in my chest.”

Slowly, very slowly, Ahsoka has started to have premonitions. Not many but all of them intense. Obi-Wan had tried to work with her, his own stints of precognition sometimes debilitating. Nothing they did seemed to help although it did sometime help her make sense of everything she saw. Master Yoda had hundreds of years of practice to steady himself but his days of wild visions beyond his power had long passed. He’d been beyond grateful for Obi-Wan’s help. But she still can’t block them out or suss them out. Terrifying blips on the radar and gone.

Ahsoka rubs at her sternum as she promises,  “I’ll meditate on it Master.”

“Good. Speak we will of this then. For now, what have you to say for your absence hm?” His eyes have cleared, and his face is neutral. With the sudden vision temporarily out of the way Ahsoka winces. Their bond still a careful blank to her nervous probing. Her Master sighs heavily, “Angry I am not, disappointed I am.”

She buries the thought that he would lie to her. She has to trust him if he says he’s not angry. Her head tilts down and she fists the material of her leggings at the knees. “I am sorry Master, I lost track of time completely and was out of simple comm range. I did not mean to disobey you.”

“Hmm.” She could hear a roughness to his voice as he spoke. “Believe you I do, an accident but one with consequences still. Poorly does it reflect on you, worried I was, worried your instructors were. Leave Coruscant you are not permitted to do, not without permission from the Council.”

Ahsoka can feel the burning of her embarrassment and shame again. For having made people worry. For lying to her Master about where she was going and why. For having put herself above the Order. For how it ultimately hurt her friend. “I didn’t know we were going, I mean, I didn’t mean to Master. We only went in orbit.”

Excuses,  _ excuses _ , excuses. ( _ But it was the right thing to do _ )

“To orbit, hmpf! Know already that you did not mean to,” his clawed finger tapped her hard on the forehead a warning to her, “Why did you go in orbit?”

Ahsoka bites her lower lip, before lifting her guilty gaze up. “Anakin was teaching me flying basics Master. We just...got caught up in it. But it won’t happen again! We don’t usually even leave the hangar, I promise!”

A weariness set into his face. “Flying again my Padawan? Hmmm. See that this does not happen again, most improper behavior. A flying course I will enroll you in, for now. Your other studies, remain high achieving in them, if you wish to continue with flying.”

Ahsoka freezes, looking for the trap in his words. He’s speaking the truth, she can feel it, the same way she can feel that there is something  _ off _ about his answer. The new Master Yoda would not take this so lightly and her instincts tell her the grass doesn’t move on its own. “Thank you Master, I promise it won’t.”

He smiles at her then and it feels like the worry melts away. Not her suspicions, but at least her fears are soothed as he opens the bond again. It’s light and gentle, and soothing. “Good, now some of us old Jedi require assistance. Perhaps some tea?”

The disquiet goes away completely, of course he would use all of this to wheedle a pot of tea out of her. Ahsoka wonders what he’ll do when she’s knighted, her Master loves his brew but he cannot make anything fit for consumption. She nods and all but springs up, filling the copper pot with water and eager to prove that she can listen.

She uses moving meditation to release the day, forgetting something important in her desperation to normalize the situation.

_ But it was right. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had trouble wrangling this chapter since it felt like it could have been split into three. I couldn't seem to make them work on their own and then it became a massive monster. I honestly just couldn't stand to look at this for a few weeks solid, hence some of my older fics getting a shine and post recently.
> 
> Also, in case I flubbed making this obvious I try to only use italics when the Force is actually speaking. That can be through someone, but that's the Force cue in. Just...fyi I guess?
> 
> I have a few chapters for Interruptions that I'll try and parse out so there isn't such a long dry stretch. If there's anything you'd like to see in particular, let me know and I can see about adding it in as we go along. Timeline wise we are now primed to launch into the Clone Wars.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and if you survived the experience I'd love a kudos to know you're hear or a quick comment to let me know!


	5. Ntoa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing the post action report Ahsoka doubled over in laughter. The day was won because she and Anakin hid under a discarded box and Obi-Wan had a tea party. Ridiculous! She sobered completely as she reached the casualty counts. The fatalities. She made herself read at least part of the list of Clones who died so that they could take this one planet back.

Ahsoka is 13 years old and her world is shattered into a thousand tiny shards, leaving grains of sand that slip through her fingers in stinging trails. The First Battle of Geonosis is over, and she sits in the Halls of Healing listening to Master Plo’s grave words. The attack was more than a one off show of force, and Count Dooku stands at the head of a droid army. Master Plo speaks softly, as kindly as he can, when he breaks the news to her. He holds her hands in his larger ones, the callouses tickle against her skin and the heat seeps into her molecule by molecule. She can’t tell him that if he wasn’t there, if he wasn’t physically touching her, that she would be crying. Ahsoka refuses to look him in the face. She knows it’s rude but she hopes that by looking at their hands he won’t know how emotional she is. She is hurt and scared, and she just wants her Master to sooth her. She wants to go back to their quarters and argue over dinner. She wants it to stop.

Master Yoda should be here-he would be here if the Order was not in turmoil, if the Republic was not in a blind panic. He would be here instead to help her if he wasn’t the Grand Master. Ahsoka understands, she really does, the Order has always come first. It always should always come first; that is part of what makes Jedi what they are. Ahsoka understands and wishes that alone would end it.

Master Plo calls her Little One, flooding their bond with all the care he has for her, all the regard he holds her in before springing the trap.

The Jedi are going to war, on the front lines. She will be getting a crash course in military procedure. At thirteen she is both Senior Padawan Tano and Lieutenant-Commander Tano. It makes her hands shake, her mouth is dry, and there’s something bitter at the back of her throat. It seems wrong. It seems so very, very wrong. Master Plo is gentle and smiles as best he can. He will General Koon too. He assures her that no one is happy about this and that the Order will do it’s level best to end it quickly.

It doesn’t change the fact that her Brother Padawan has become a mass murderer. It doesn’t change the fact that so many more will die before it ends.

When she returns to their quarters Ahsoka finds it empty. The humidity feels like a furnace and leaves the edges of her bandages itchy. She can tell that Master Yoda has not been home in several days, and she hopes that he remembers to eat and sleep. She chastises herself for the feelings of frustration and annoyance that comes. It’s not like the Order has never been in crisis before but Ahsoka hates the way everyone dithers around waiting for her Master to make a decision. She hates the way he obliges as if another Master could not make such decisions. And she feels nothing but guilt for the morass of very unworthy emotions.

Ahsoka spends an evening in self imposed meditation to work through them.

The Force does not sing, it does not move, it does not welcome. It is cold and vast and uncaring. The emotions of ten thousand being’s worry threads the Force with brittle strings that play sour notes. She comes out of her meditation feeling heavy and tired, only falling asleep when she is too exhausted to stay awake a second longer.

The next day brings a new routine, one in which Lieutenant-Commander Tano is drilled one moment and running errands the next. She takes on all of her Master’s normal paperwork and is flooded as Requisitions demands more leather and plastoid alloys. Armor is needed by thousands where once it was needed by a few hundred. Professor Huyang contacts her asking permission to bring larger groups on traditional gathering trips to reduce the chances of an attack. Instructors are practically beating down the door demanding to know how their pupils will learn while in active battlezones. Healers have already requested a massive recall of the Medical Corps and an increase in medical supplies. Ahsoka assigns, redirects, approves, denies, and outright blocks everything she can. Day by day, week by week the bandages are peeled away and Ahsoka manages to stay afloat only thanks to a few tips from Master Windu on paperwork.

Her own Master’s soothing presence and practical advice is infrequent but more precious to her than anything. Somehow, in between all the hours crammed with Council work, Ahsoka finds time to be drilled and trained along side Jedi of all types and creeds for tactical command. They are all going to be command ready. They have to be.

Three months after Geonosis and Ahsoka finds herself on her first GAR mission, a joint operation to scout out locations for monitoring stations. It’s miniscule in size with only Ahsoka, Master Vos, and a handful of Clone Troopers. She’s almost disappointed after all the build up that it’s not some grand mission with tanks and air support but instead a small, stealthy ship just big enough to fit them all inside if they hot bunk. Master Yoda grimly informs her she’ll have her chance later. Her own peers range from envious that she’s seeing action so soon to envious that she’s getting such a soft break into the war. While it is nothing like Ahsoka wanted, it is beyond enlightening.

The Clones have a culture beyond what Ahsoka was taught, and each one is as individual as they come. There’s Right Flank, Droop, Comet, and Glass crammed into the ship with the two Jedi. All four unique. Droop is relaxed and laid back, a lazy smile always in place. Somehow Droop is still the first to finish his work, and Ahsoka never manages to beat him at anything. Right Flank teaches her about paint colors and brushes with a buzzing energy. They are covered in tattoos down their right side, and are beyond interested in Ahsoka’s natural facial markings. Comet hates sitting around and Ahsoka’s sure he would skip sleep if he could. Comet taps on the tables, on his legs, on his bucket, and has a predatory smile that sends her into peals of laughter. Glass is a terrible liar and has a heart the size of a star. He enjoys weaving stories, even if he tears up at the end of sad ones and laughs so hard during silly ones that half the time he can’t finish at all. Each of them has lessons to teach, even if they don’t know it. 

Ahsoka takes to them and their lessons like a fish to water. She wouldn’t mind this, marching and hiking with them, plotting jumps and decoding scans. They’re like an oversized youngling clan full of good training and half baked ideas. That is the epitome of a Jedi creche clan; zealousness in learning, compassion, and a bit too much energy. It draws her back to her limited time in clawmouse, the feeling of nothing being a bigger worry than if she put her tunics on right. It’s comforting for all that she knows it’s inaccurate. Ahsoka knows that Clawmouse Clan is inactive, after all, she was the last Jedi ever assigned to them. She silently decides that any Trooper who wants to can be part of her Clan. It’s unofficial, ceremonial, and silly but it makes her feels better.

She likes the Troopers, these Brothers. They are passionate and curious, and so very young.

Master Quinlan Vos has never exactly been good with Younglings, but most Initiates and Padawans liked him anyways. Master Quinlan was silly and charming in his own way, cracking jokes and making his own rules up as he went along. Ahsoka had delighted in watching him in council meetings, the way he could so breezily give his reports as if everything went according to a greater plan instead of falling into place as the last moment. Master Quinlan has always been a bit aloof and distant, but still kind in his own unique way.

She doesn’t recognize him now. Master Vos sneers at the Troopers, over rules them, ignores them out right. Ahsoka  has to field their opinions to even make him listen to them. He treats them like droids and refuses to speak openly with her regarding her studies until they have left or are distracted. He pulls her aside after she “formally” inducts an overly excited Right Flank into Clawmouse and tells her not to humor them. That these Clones are temporary and tools to be used. They are not people and they are not Jedi. She needs to stay unattached.

She calls Master Yoda that same evening, upset and ready to punch a Master in the face. The call rings twice before she gets an automated response that the Council is in session. Feeling more upset and even  **more** prepared to punch any Master in the face, Ahsoka tries to think who she can call. Obi-Wan has been deployed with the 212th, and may actively  **not** talk her out of punching Master Vos in the face after their own repeated misadventures. QuiGuy has refused to be part of the GAR volunteering for the first time in his life to work with younglings to get out of it. Unfortunately, Master Jinn would either laugh at her or make her want to punch someone even worse. She gives a rueful grin before realizing that there is one option left and he is definitely going to tell her to punch Master Vos.

(She is cheating a little because she wants to talk to someone else who would agree, but Ahsoka tells herself firmly as she dials that it’s because he’s her only option.)

Anakin answers with his hair cut almost like a Padawan, evenly buzzed short all around but without the braid. His pathetic attempt at a beard has been completely shaved away and he stands puffed up with pride in a GAR naval uniform when he answers. For all that the look is military precise, and really should make him look like the adult he is, Ahsoka has to hold back a snort. Without the extra fluff on his head and face he looks like a kid.

“What do you think?” Anakin asks with a cocky smirk and a half twirl so she can see every angle of his new clothes. “I look good in this uniform!”

Ahsoka swallows all her protests and anger at Master Vos, all her fears for the men she’s been working with, and forces herself to smile. It feels rare to find Anakin in such a good mood and she’s loath to upset him over something neither of them can really change. “Wow, guess the war’s really lowered their standards huh?”

Anakin laughs and sneers back at her, and then simply gushes with news. He drags her up bit by bit, unaware how much he’s helping with every exaggerated tale. Somehow, with only a few large engagements under the Order’s purview, Anakin has allegedly been in no less than a dozen battles. It’s always been hard to tell fact from fiction with him, but Ahsoka doesn’t care. Ani’s happy, happier than she’s seen him in years. They talk about every mission they can and Ahsoka makes sure to only tease him a lot when he admits to be assigned to Senator Amidala as an escort as his favorite mission. When the call ends Ahsoka feels about ten times lighter and more determined than ever. 

She has no problem rubbing Master Vos’s face in her unabashed interest in Clone culture and training the next day. He doesn’t bring it up again.

By the time their months long mission is up, Ahsoka leaves with enough to training to be mistaken for a Clone Cadet. Her salutes are perfect, she knows all the calls and drills and jargon she could fit in. It’s difficult beyond words to say goodbye to the four Troopers who have taught her everything they can. During their return trip to Coruscant Ahsoka asks them to choose a spot on their armor and she painstakingly paints the sigel for Clawmouse where they indicate. Droop delights in her sharp salute, Right Flank gives her a strong punch to her shoulder for luck, Comet pats her on the head, and Glass can only give a watery smile.

She returns to the quarters she shares with Master Yoda for the evening. There is so much to explain, so much she’s learned that it’s difficult to sit still. Master Yoda laughs at her, vibrating away in her seat, but encourages her to tell him and show him what’s she’s seen. His distinct approval at her inducting the Clones into her Clan releases a tension she wasn’t even aware she was carrying. His disapproval of her feelings towards Master Vos gets a stern look, but she considers Master Yoda to be on her side as he doesn’t actually say anything. He listens to everything she has to say, everything she’s learned, and even asks for advice based on her experience. Her Master manages to nimbly dodge any questions about the Council and the backlog of reports they’re sure to face the next day. It’s the perfect evening she has been longing after for half a year.

The next morning after meditation, her Master gives Ahsoka her next assignment. She ships out after first meal, feeling distinctly dejected that they didn’t have more time together.

The lessons she learned on that first mission prove invaluable as Ahsoka is bounced between various military outfits across the galaxy. A relief mission here, reconnaissance here, protecting a hyperlane, committing to a planetary siege. Every time she finds herself working closer and closer with the Troopers. Learning names and superstitions, and providing an alternative to the many stiff necked Jedi who are unsure how to treat their Troops outside of a completely professional interaction. Ahsoka is good at settling the Brothers in, and good at giving their commanding officers another option for sounding ideas and passing along information. Ahsoka spends a few weeks here and a month there, with few breaks in between to return to the Temple. What was terrifying work at first quickly become the norm, and Ahsoka has never been more grateful to be so ahead in her classes. It lets her focus completely on her missions as they come. It would be nearly perfect assignments if not for the battles.

Every battle is like Geonosis all over again. Clones dying in the thousands as they fought to break a blockade. The world was thick with forests instead of choked with sand, but the ash drifted over the still bodies they were forced to leave behind all the same. As soon as that was secured she went to another group who needed a second Jedi for their plan to work and it was Geonosis part three. She was sent as a stand in Officer during a raid and it was Geonosis part four. It went on and on. Part five, six, seven, who knows. So many lives lost and the endless clanking of the droid marching in perfect lockstep. Never tiring, never faltering, just marching more and more onto every field. It felt endless to meet new men, to learn about them, to march into battle with them, to come back without them. Ahsoka could ask the Knights and Masters she was assigned to for help but they were not her Master, and her Master was too busy to talk most days.

From what little she could gather from other Padawans, they all felt cut adrift, even those who were still with their Masters. From what she was told by Obi-Wan, Knights weren’t feeling much more confident or grounded either. Part of being a Jedi is accepting the orders that are given to you, and completing them. Thousands of Jedi are now fumbling along together through the dark hoping to come out the other side soon.

When Ahsoka was actually back at the Temple she spent the time rushing through exams and certifications, counting the hours until she was redeployed to make a difference in the fight. Her Council duties had been officially suspended and given to various Temple bound Initiates, Padawans, and even Knights. She was grateful for their aid in the same breath she was wistful of the time she used to spend simply enjoying time at her desk. It’s funny, Ahsoka rarely enjoyed sitting still at her desk doing mind numbing work, but now that it’s gone the warm afternoons are missed. In a somewhat cruel twist of fate, Ahsoka becomes almost fond of the endless GAR paperwork. It’s a poor substitute for her Master’s humming and joking but it can at least invoke him. Troopers seem to have at least one chance to leave her a mug of caf and keep her company all the same.

And ultimately that is her biggest hurtle, learning how to manage without her Master’s constant aid or listening ear. Ahsoka refuses to whine and refuses to give up like some unprepared Initiate. 

With Anakin and her both on missions, Ahsoka relies heavily on Obi-Wan to write to her and QuiGuy to answer her coms. For every death she feels, Clones in battles and Jedi through the Force, she calls them. The living Force will not answer her calls, it screams every time she dips too deep while still so close to so much death. Without the steady presence of her friends Ahsoka knows that she’d be pulled under. The war is a black hole, devouring every person who dared to step over the event horizon, sucking the light out from under them.

Years pass like this. Her fourteenth name day forgotten as she helps assault a Seppie stronghold. She spends the morning slicing through endless droids. She spends the evening helping to count the dead. Taking their ident chit readings and leaving their bodies where they fell, there’s no where to put them, there’s no way to help them now. She watches the second group finish sweeping and scavenging from their own brothers and only remembers what day it is when the first enemy shells fly into the night sky. A brilliant reddish purple streaking across the sky for their camp. It’s stupid, but it makes her think of the candles that Obi-Wan insisted she blow out every year. Their men are prepared and blast it out of the sky in a brilliant orange explosion. She tries not to think too deeply on the potential symbolism.

Master Yoda does give her a gift of sorts, the next day Blackout drops off her new starship which she is now allowed and encouraged to fly whenever she can. A maroon and green droid curses at her the first time they fly together, screaming at her for each rookie mistake. Ahsoka and R7 take that aethersprite over broken planets and watch whole squadrons of men die under her watch. She watches them float away in the wreckage lost to space. She watches nebulas spinning in the distance, brilliant colors surrounded by a million stars.

Her fifteenth birthday passes unnoticed. Ahsoka’s sure that she must have spent it in her ship but even knowing which campaign she can’t say exactly where she must have been. This time is passes without even a message from her Master who has gone to win over King Katuunk. She likes to imagine that Master Yoda meditated on her growth that night, just as she likes to imagine she was flying away from battle instead of into it.

But she’s  **flying** ! 

When Ahsoka learns that she’ll be flying with Anakin over Christophsis, she can’t help but wonder if it’s a belated birthday gift all the same.

It’s her first assignment with Anakin’s battalion, the 501st. She is not surprised to discover him speaking fluent Mando’a with the men and in his tacticals instead of the Naval Grey’s he’d once been so proud of. Ahsoka had of course planned for this moment, it was Anakin’s permanent assignment and she needed to make a good impression for herself, the Order, and him. She had planned what she would say and how she would act on seeing him for the first time in over a year. Professional. Like a full, actual Knight. Her introductions had gone well enough to Commander Appo and Admiral Yularen but as soon as she saw Anakin from a distance though, it had been all over. She’d naturally cloaked her presence in the Force, dropped into a silent run, and had almost made it all the way over to him before Anakin had suddenly spun around. She was supposed to give him a quick hug and remain a respectful distance away. Ahsoka instead flung herself into a tackle hug and sent them both down to the deck. Anakin at least had the sense to catch her, even if he didn’t have the footing.

The two of them burst into laughter and the whole galaxy only existing for a minute on the hard metal floor. Anakin was warm and smelled like soap and caf, he was squeezing the life out of her but Ahsoka honestly didn’t care. He was here and alive, and that was all she wanted.

It all came crashing back to reality as several of the troopers burst into laughter and friendly teasing.

“The first rule of the Jedi is to break all the Jedi rule.”

“Another one? There must be a mistake, we already have a crazy Jedi, what did we do to earn two?”

“What haven’t we done to earn two?”

“Can I call you Ti-cup?”

Ahsoka could feel herself heat up from tip to heel with embarrassment. So much for all that planning. She did manage to get her feet back under her and then was tasked with dragging Anakin bodily up off the floor as he refused to stop snuggling her. Luckily a quick glance out from under his hulking bulk showed that they were all entertained and the Force shimmered with their amusement. There was no disdain at least. 

Then the men fell silent before she could even try to save the situation, and her eyes were drawn to a Clone who stood, hands folded comfortably behind his back and a small frown on his face. It was his blond hair that stood out to her, a flicker of a memory tickling at the back of her mind.

“Well, well Little ‘Un.” Rex’s face finally broke into a small smirk, “Need me to save you from this one too?”

Ahsoka beamed up at him and sent a sharp elbow into Anakin’s ribs. “I can handle it.”

Anakin retaliated with a quick scratch to her montrals, drowning the world in rough sandpapery sounds. Ahsoka whipped her head side to side to clear out the sound as best she could and gave his foot a hard stomp getting her freedom.

“Yes I can see that.”

It felt homey, comfortable, and familiar with the 501st. The whole Legion felt the way the Temple once did, a cohesive unit of do-gooders and snarkers. Each one talented to the last and everyone wanting to teach and learn. The build up to the campaign was actually fun and relaxing in a way no other assignment had been.

Despite her absolutely charmed introduction to the 501st, Christophsis was almost a disaster. The droids were better placed than expected, their shields were new and their luck held against all odds. While droids started flying in the air, Ahsoka and Anakin found themselves on the ground leading coordinated strikes with Obi-Wan. The air battle was raging and the ground mission was in need. They both landed in a transport instead of spinning overhead, and Obi-Wan stood with a warm grin and grim news. If the shear destruction and loss of life hadn’t already exhausted her, Ahsoka was sure she would have tackle hugged him too. Instead she settled for hugging him for all she was worth while Obi-Wan smiled brightly down at her. He commanded them and they did their best. They were blessed to win the day.

Writing the post action report Ahsoka doubled over in laughter. The day was won because she and Anakin hid under a discarded box and Obi-Wan had a tea party. Ridiculous! She sobered completely as she reached the casualty counts. The fatalities. She made herself read at least part of the list of Clones who died so that they could take this one planet back.

She’d been packing her bag and waiting for her next assignment when the news came in about Jabba’s son being kidnapped. The 501st was best placed, and the Council dispatched her and Anakin to handle it. Ahsoka had barely gotten her wounds wrapped up from her fight with Dooku when they heard about General Grievous and his new super weapon. That was barely handled before they were all threatened with death via blue shadow virus. Really the only benefit of that was her ability to brag to Anakin about spending more time with Senator Amidala than he had.

Master Yoda came to visit during her recovery. He gently massaged her arms and hands to ease her pain and spoke softly about everything she’d done so far. He snuck her a piece of jerky to have sit between cheek and gum so she could enjoy something besides nutrient paste. They bickered as she slowly hobbled around the room and meditated every evening before she went to sleep. It was...validating to have Master Yoda stay with her for several days. Taking Council business and answering calls from the side of her hospital bed. 

The day before he had to leave, Master Yoda sat on her bed and gently touched their bond. It hummed and sung, and tugged at them both. Ahsoka let her end open and was shocked to find the door at his end thrown completely open. Normally it was barely cracked, a stream of soft yellow light pouring out. Ahsoka jumped in and let herself get wrapped up in his warm presence.

She walked near the edge of a great forest, the hard white stone beneath her feet was worn smooth from exposure. She didn’t fear slipping on it, Ahsoka had learned long ago how to walk this path. She glanced to the endless expanse of trees to her left, the way the leaves fluttered in a wind she couldn’t feel. The soothing sound of life. She let the sun warm her and the sounds lull her into peace. And when she stepped expecting flat ground and half fell down the small step, her heart lodged up into her throat. Ahsoka spun her arms trying to balance before a small hand caught her by the back of her tunics and hauled her upright. She twisted to see her Master’s grim face, and for a moment was grateful before an unjust bout of anger washed over her. After all of this, he decides to save her from a skinned knee?

Yoda’s smile, already thin and reedy, broke completely. “Dangerous, your anger is.”

She could feel the way her cheeks puffed out with her scowl, the way her body hunched in on itself. “The war is dangerous too, but you don’t have a problem throwing me into it!”

There was a moment where his face became stony, and then he heaved a sigh and seemed to shrink on himself. As if the force of her fury drove him down.

“Yes,” he spoke softly, one clawed hand rubbing at his head, “send you I do, have a problem with this I do as well. Young, you are so young.”

Ahsoka could feel herself getting more worked up from the admission.  _ A child. _ She cast desperately to calm herself, to still her mind, to let this rare time together be a good thing. But the Force was this place, was them, was the air and the sky. And it only bolstered the truth of things.

“I’m old enough! It’s not like you’re even here to see how much I’ve learned.” 

Her Master’s shoulders slumped further, his gaze finally coming back up to meet her own. The shifting of the leaves cast dancing shadows across his face. “Feel abandoned do you?”

She didn’t want to stop. \ _ Stop it! _ \ Ahsoka wanted to simply let all her anger out, to let him burn up in its wake. \STOP IT!\ To lance it like a festering wound, to drain the pus. To ( _ heal _ ) finally let it out. \Help me, Master, help!\ Ahsoka cast her gaze desperately around, glaring first at the gaping maw of the cave and then at her Master’s small form on a rotting log.

_ Breath, be, begin. _

Where was she even supposed to start? She had a whole year’s worth of backlogged issues that she had tucked away every time she’d been home. She had wanted to enjoy her time, not lose it in a fight between them. Ahsoka moved, desperately stumbling through the loose soil and tripping on roots. She just wanted to sit with him and let it wash over her. Let it be done. The anger still hissing and coiling and pushing against her. The log seemed to go further and further from her, for every step she took it seemed to fly away. What was happening to her? What was she supposed to do now?

She fell to her knees and forced a sob down, forced herself to stop breathing so she wouldn’t cry. Two small arms curled around her shoulders holding her as the anger finally poured out of her, like water from a jug. They were here, they were here inside her, he could probably hear her thoughts, every hurt without her meaning to send it at all. The guilt and the shame 

/I am here, listen, feel me here, what do you hear?/

There was the deep creaking of ancient woods, the splash of water, gentle laughter, a fire, the scratch of a stylus as he worked.

Beneath her, once more, was that smooth white stone. Her Master held her and hummed softly, mixing with a faint second voice. Familiar even if Ahsoka couldn’t remember her mother’s timbre. She could feel his small frown on the top of her head, but she could also feel the way his own guilt and love for her swirled in gentle edies in the air. His claws left warm calming trails on her back and her arms.

“On your own, you do not do well hmm? Good is your work. Solid is your conviction. But unsteady and painful it is.”

She could feel the way the galaxy started to resettle and the last resistance she had to hold onto the warmth of that place, the solid healthy feel of her own body, faded into mist.

The hospital was allegedly warm but Ahsoka had been nothing but chilled while there. The doctors assured her it was the lingering effects of the virus, and Ahsoka had gratefully accepted every new blanket they could spare to throw over her. Now she felt smothered, the weight of the blankets and the weight of her Master sitting practically on her legs pressing in on her. He still held both her hands, and slowly opened his eyes to look at her softly before smiling.

“A solution I have. Apart from me you will still remain, but under Obi-Wan’s care and with young Skywalker, better you would feel hm?”

It took a minute for her to understand exactly what it was her Master was suggesting, and it made her heart nearly burst.

“That would be much better.” While it felt terrible to admit to her attachments like that, it felt so freeing she didn’t care.

Rex had only given her a dry look when she told him the good news before informing her of his impending retirement. She’d tried to hobble over to his bed to make him take it back and only managed to get halfway there before doubling over from the lingering illness. Rex declared that seeing her like this was pathetic and he supposed he could stick around. Padme Amidala, who had seemed to regal and intimidating just a short two weeks past, now laughed at them both until she burst into a wet coughing fit. Ahsoka would have thrown a pillow at her if she’d had the strength.

Finally cleared for light duties again, she walked back to her new Clan feeling lighter than she had in years.

The 501st had been warm and welcoming before she’d been assigned, now that she had a shiny new rank as a full Commander that had only grown. Torrent was as thrilled as Ahsoka was. The very first night that she got to be on ship, she made it to her quarters and nearly burst into tears. All from seeing a permanent name plate bolted onto the wall. Stepping in she did fight back a few sniffles on seeing her desk, not just any desk, her desk from the Temple. It was as wonderful as it was terrifying.

She was not alone, but there was no turning back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this gave me no end of troubles and I'll be honest, I don't like it as much as what I've written before. Watcha gonna do y'know? There are only 2 or 3 more chapters left for this particular story (depending on if everyone would just WORK WITH ME for a hot minute to get some time in seasons 4 and 5), so we are screaming up to a close on this particular story. Besides several more updates in Interruptions, I do have a third story I'll be posting in this universe once everything else is said and done. That will be a one shot following Ahsoka's brother and his many feels during this time period. After that we'll see what else comes!
> 
> Anyways, there will be a slew of chapters for Interruptions to help cover the Clone Wars before the next chapter here! See you over there!


	6. Lefu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all else fails you remember these words. There is no emotion there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is no death, there is no death-

Ahsoka was 17 years old and facing the very real possibility that she would not live for much longer. Her life was forfeit and the troopers guarding her cell had no compunctions about reminding her of that fact. They, like so many, had no issues reconciling her years of service with the blatant lies presented at court. The worst part was that she couldn’t blame them. The men of the Coruscant Guard were nothing if not loyal to the Republic, and if the Republic said she was guilty then...well. Ahsoka stared down at the Force nullifying cuffs, not the cheap models that bounty hunters carried, but thick metal ones covered in runes carved and imbued by Jedi possibly centuries ago. Temple provided of course. If the Order and the Republic said she was guilty how was anyone going to believe she wasn’t. The two greatest authorities acting in conjunction for the first time in years, putting her before the public to appease them. So it didn’t matter that she had served with dedication and honor during this war. It didn’t matter that she’d been fighting the war as long as even the oldest of clones. Four years of work, blood, sweat, and tears. Four years of missions and remembrances, four years of being shoved onto the front line again and again. It didn’t make a difference. To anyone apparently.

Ahsoka had spent half a month on the run from CPD, the Order, and the men of the 501st. Three and a half brutal weeks hiding. Of desperately working to find evidence of her innocence. She’d had to run, as soon as she’d stepped foot into the jail to speak with Letta, Ahsoka had known something was wrong. The Force, normally so quiet and faint pulsing dangerously. Distracting her as she forced herself to turn over her weapons and com. She should have known right then, she should have known as soon as Commander Fox approached her to speak with the prisoner, she should have known something was wrong. Ahsoka had always been so careful of traps. This one she walked into blindly. Why would Letta ask for her specifically? Letta shouldn’t have even known her name, lead investigator or not, Letta shouldn’t have known.

She’d grown confident in her own position in the war. She’d grown arrogant. Ahsoka twisted her hands, letting the metal push uncomfortably into her wrists. She’d bought the very lies she’s worked to dissipate in the 501st.

It had been early on, when Ahsoka had nearly fallen to bits trying to figure out where everything stood with all her new duties. She’d taken solace in something mind numbingly familiar; paperwork. When her head throbbed from manuals, watching recorded battles, and running tactical simulations Ahsoka could always turn to the never ending mountain of paperwork. About a month into her new assignment, her quartermaster, Whip, had all but cornered her demanding to know what strings she was pulling for them. Requisitions that had been denied were suddenly, magically going through. Supplies were robust. They’d gotten an extra shipment of deserts and fresh food. No matter how she’d tried to explain it, Whip had simply given her a lot of nudges and winks. Then usually laughed himself out of the room.

It took her a while to realize that even if she was just submitting or denying requests, that her status as Master Yoda’s Apprentice was providing a boon to the men in her command. After all, Master Yoda was about a half step down from Chancellor Palpatine, and the Troopers were loyal to a fault. She spared a thought for the poor shiney she’d probably given a heart attack when request after request after transfer after orders after requisitions after reports came through to his lowly position.

It took her a while longer to worry about what that kind of power could actually accomplish.

Anakin had rolled his eyes at her, half his face still covered in some sort of thick soap as he shaved. “Snips, you know what your problem is? No ambition. Think of the things we could get. Experimental ships! Any mods we need! We can snap up ARC Troopers. ARC. Troopers.”

Ahsoka scrunched her nose at him, disgusted by the suggestion that she abuse her position and from the smell of his nasty shaving whatever. “Sith are the ones abusing their power for ambition.”

“No, Sith are the ones using their powers for their own personal gain.” Anakin carefully ran the blade over his throat causing Ahsoka to twitch. “You are using it to help the rest of us.”

“I’m helping you because?” Ahsoka tried to not stare as he finished. Honestly, what kind of person willingly pressed a razor sharp blade to their own throats? Humans.

Anakin had turned and flashed his brightest smile at her. The fact that there were still some left over patches of white soap and little spots of blood from where he’d nicked himself apparently not registering in his head. “Because I’m me, and you love me, and you want to get me a fancy new ship.”

She’d given him a full rundown of why that was a bad idea, how quickly Master Yoda would recall her, and how exceedingly unfair to everyone else that would be. Then, despite all her own self warning, despite what she’d told everyone, Ahsoka had put in a request.

She did not appreciate the surprise hug from behind when Anakin had found his new Aethersprite waiting for him.

She also did not appreciate R2, the droid Senator Amidala had given Anakin in thanks, breaking into her rooms at 0’Dark Thirty to complain at her that she’d put his human at risk and how dare she? Didn’t she know that Human:Skywalker, Anakin was going to do something reckless with that ship? Furthermore, the droid slot was a bit sticky and would need re-working. When he’d finished, the droid simply hummed at her thoughtfully before  bidding Friend: Tano, Ahsoka a good recharge. 

Ahsoka swore that it wasn’t a habit and worked hard to keep herself in check. To remind the men that she wasn’t some weird third step down in power of the whole Republic. To live up to the double standard as herself and Master Yoda’s Padawan. But she’d still fallen into it.

Ahsoka Tano was apparently above the law, always had the council on her side, and had the absolute loyalty of her men. Right. She’d gotten wrapped up in the glory of the war, in the feeling of being a hero and a big shot, and she’d lost her way. Ahsoka would do anything to turn back time. The thought was peppered with guilt and shame. Where was this dedication to ending the war just a month ago? Where was it then? It wasn’t that she’d condoned it but with 501st blue, Torrent, and Anakin Ahsoka had felt prepared to take on anything. The Force seemed split on helping her and punishing her. She’d been proud of what she’d done.

Master Yoda’s voice drifted through her memories. “Proud you are yes? Grateful you should be. Pride will blind you, pride will burn you! Free you gratitude will.”

Ahsoka had been ten and so terribly ashamed. She’d spent the evening desperately trying to rid herself of her own anger. It wasn’t fair the way the other Padawans could celebrate their victories but as soon as she’d tried to it was wrong. Her self righteous anger wilted the next morning under her Master’s frown.

The last time she’d seen Master Yoda, back before she-the last time she’d seen her Master Yoda he had been stern and tired. But he’d softly pressed his pride to her over their faded bond. Did he know about her worries? Ahsoka had felt conflicted about the war. About the Order. About her place within the Order. For all she craved it, it made her bitter. All these years later and when he had pressed his pride into her hand like a pocket warmed coin, Ahsoka had let it fall through her fingers. Too proud to admit her conflicted feelings or too uncertain if she would receive help. Ahsoka had spent half the previous night on that one, slowly extending and folding her arms to ease the ache in them from being cuffed for so long. If she had simply told him the truth then, admitted to thinking about leaving the Order, would it have changed anything?

It was not unusual to doubt, the war had brought down something so dark that it was no surprise that Jedi left the Order these days. A hemorrhage the Order didn’t know how to stop. Large enough that it had filtered all the way up to the High Council. Initiates were hastily snapped up, and Padawans who should have been dropped assigned out, more and more of the Jedi on the front lines faltered. Even those that did not often wound up dead. They were not prepared. The Order had been fine to try and rotate those individuals that they could out, they had been fine with trying new strategies. Anything besides allowing Jedi to leave over the war. Anything. Then there was Knight Krell who had fallen in such a spectacular manner. Fallen right onto her men with a vengeance. Ahsoka had nodded along when Master Yoda informed her of her new orders, that Knight Krell had lost his men and was being temporarily assigned to them. That Anakin would take over the air assault. That she was needed elsewhere. The Council believed that Knight Krell just needed a chance with a more open group. Ahsoka had spent many sleepless night wondering what could have happened if she’d spoken up and told her Master exactly what she thought of his plans instead of swallowing the words down.

After Krell, the Council practically induced whiplash with their turn about stance. They reached out to Knights and Padawans, the option to leave the war effort all together was suddenly present and pushed. Or they could choose to leave the Order completely. No Council had ever openly encouraged their ranks to leave. Council members approached Jedi one by one to have difficult conversations. The Jedi Order started to simply bleed out.

Each time Ahsoka returned to the Temple it seemed emptier and quieter. Each time it felt less comforting and more foreboding. The files she worked almost nothing but requests to transfer out of the GAR, supplies for pyres, or notifications to adjust allocations based on those who had left. The Jedi were already spread far too thin and now they were losing more members than ever before. The initiate clans were practically empty, the creche holding fewer and fewer younglings. From what Ahsoka could tell since the death of Master Ropal there weren’t even dedicated Seekers. The entire Order was getting worn thin.Every Jedi taking on more and more responsibilities. And with pressure mounting more and more were pulled off the battlefield.

The Council had then started actively approaching Jedi in the Service Corps. Would any of them like to take a command position in the war? Anakin’s name was hurled around frequently. Jedi Pilot Anakin Skywalker was now Colonel Skywalker and slated to soon be Brigadier General Skywalker. Who else would like a try? So few, so few could be spared. Medical Corps had already been enlisted, mechanics had been enlisted, scientists and farmers were needed to rebuild world after world. So few could join, and no new Jedi were being brought to the Temple, and they were dying regardless. 

The stress of their numbers alone was staggering.

Master Yoda would return to their quarters after a full day with the Council with just enough breaks to teach a few youngling classes. He would stagger in with his gimer stick or float in on his new medical pod with his eyes unfocused and his presence muted. Ahsoka had nearly cried the first time she’d seen him floating in on the pod, she had cried the first time he’d nodded off in it during dinner. Her Master had always been old but he had never been weak or frail. It hurt to see him struggle into the hover pod, to hear the way his breath rasped when he slept. She would work until she dropped from exhaustion next to her Master’s too still form. Everyone left was being pushed to their limits. There was no true  _ rest _ for them. She couldn’t rest, not when her Master was ready to drop!

The last year had been trying. The last six months had been hellish.

The deaths piling up on one another, the heartache, the losses. Ahsoka didn’t know how many times she’d gone to the commissary at night to find so many diurnal Jedi awake. Most by themselves, some in small clusters. A few sleeping fitfully in a corner. No, doubt was no longer a surprise.

The war was pulling them apart. It was destroying the Jedi one battle at a time. The war ripped them apart, flesh from bone from heart to soul while the Senate seemed intent on smothering them. Not even the Chancellor's support and sympathy seemed to help the Order anymore. The Jedi had survived for tens of thousands of years. The Jedi would not survive this, not the way this was going. After a lifetime of service, Ahsoka wasn’t sure they deserved to. It was easier when she’d been younger, when there was no war, to believe the Jedi were infallible. Jedi were the mouthpiece of the Force, they were Force made flesh. They were guardians and protectors. Peacekeepers and negotiators.They were one with the Force, and the Force was with them. She remembered some of the smaller controversies, there were always acts performed by Jedi that were questionable but those individuals came before the Disciplinary Council and were examined. Their choices judged fairly and firmly. Jedi were there to help whoever needed their help.

She’d believed it, she’d bought into the Order’s own propaganda even after seeing the High Council in action. The inaction and in fighting was nothing new. It was only more deadly with the war.

It was harder now, with so much death and so much turmoil. With none of it making a difference. With whole worlds burning up and the Senate sneering down, and the Jedi caught in the middle.The closer she got to being Knighted the less sure Ahsoka was of it.

That was a lie. She’d never been sure, never ever been sure.

_ You belong here. _

It never said that she was meant to be a Jedi but she wanted to be, she wanted to be a Knight. She wanted to be someone who helped others, and she wanted to make her Master proud.

_ You belong here. _

But where was that supposed to be exactly? The Republic? The GAR? The Order?

The cell deep below the Military Courts?

_ You belong here. _

As the ray shields dropped and Ahsoka had several blasters leveled at her, she couldn’t really believe the Force. She couldn’t trust her friends, her family in the Order. Master Yoda had told her when she was young that one day she would find her family around her, Jedi who supported her and cared for her. Ahsoka’s hands were cuffed behind her back and one of the Troopers double checked the additional Force restricting collar around her throat. A set of chains went around her feet forcing her to shuffle along with them. One Trooper on each of her arms, two in front and two behind. They moved slowly to allow her to walk on her own, hampered by the restraints and the way she was forced forwards. Her shoulders ached as the two Troopers kept their grip.

As she was marched into the court for sentencing, Ahsoka looked around. There, practically hidden in a shadowed corner was the High Council. Where was her family now?

Her Master had disowned her and had cast her from the Order. Her friends were absent during her time hiding. Her clan mates were dead. Her men were hunting her. Where was her promised family now?

She couldn’t reach anyone through the Force. Anakin was no doubt still searching for evidence. Senator Amidala had told her about Anakin and Obi-Wan’s attempts to find evidence, the way Obi-Wan had eventually been forced to return and how Anakin hadn’t. Barriss was off planet and out of reach, Master Luminara even further away. Qui Gon was barred from the courtroom after threatening to do something (of course she wasn’t allowed to know what). Obi-Wan sat high above her looking down, broken and hunched over. His face lost in shadows as he gripped his robe. Master Plo sat with him. Rigid and fierce, but not interfering in the least. They both cared but would not interfere at all. Her two threads of starlight were gone. Her mother and brother. She hoped they didn’t know, she hoped they were not watching this trial. Let at least someone she cared for be unaware and at peace.

Ahsoka’s hands were moved, chained to her waist at the front. A shield rose to prevent her from running. Padme Amidala stood with her, the slow flickering of the shielding casting her in alternating grays and blues. Her smile was soft and reassuring, and her eyes were flinty and hard. One of her manicured hands rested on Ahsoka’s shoulder.

Padme Amidala had been the only good shock to the system she’d had. Ahsoka had not been allowed to see Obi-Wan, but the Senator explained that they were friends. That she was more than willing to help Ahsoka. And Padme at least seemed to believe that she was innocent. She was everything Anakin had always talked her up to be. She was strong and smart and beautiful. The first time Padme had met with Ahsoka to talk about the trial, Ahsoka had been dumbstruck. If only Senator Amidala had been a Jedi, oh the reformations she could put before the Council! Ahsoka had smiled as she imagined Padme sitting as a Council Member, grimly staring down Master Windu as he grimly stared back. There she was hesitantly offering them both a cup of tea while her Master laughed.

Her smile had vanished at the thought.

Ahsoka was going to be tried as an adult. That was about the only thing she was being tried as. This was not a Jedi trial, or a GAR court marshaling. Ahsoka barely made the cut as a Republic Citizen. The trial itself had been at breakneck speed a blur of three weeks as Ahsoka was transferred back and forth between her cell and the courtroom. which had caused another three weeks of delay after she’d been captured. It was a nightmare. Russo had been incompetent in her investigation but seemed terribly well informed when working against her. Tarkin, blast him, repaid Ahsoka for his own rescue with tampered evidence. The jury could not possibly understand what it meant for Master Yoda to pummel against her shields nearly constantly while she’d been on the run. They did however understand exactly what it meant that Ahsoka had fought several patrols of troops. Ahsoka was tired. She had been tired before the trial had even started. Padme had jumped in with enough vigour and energy to float them both through the process, but not even she could change the rules of the court.

Ahsoka had watched as time and time again the Chancellor overruled the defense, upheld Tarkin’s objections, and invalidated the few scraps of evidence they could muster. Ahsoka had never met Chancellor Palpatine personally before, only once seeing him as she waited for her Master, but watching him from the stand Ahsoka didn’t like him one bit. She wished that she could read him in the Force. She wished that she could see if she’d found another pocket of darkness hiding in the light.

Perhaps that was unfair of her, and there was definitely some projection, but Ahsoka wasn’t feeling very charitable towards the Chancellor. The case was a wash. Her only hope was that the jury had enough Senators in her favor to be hung. Considering that she’d been called back so quickly, Ahsoka knew that was beyond a long shot. She would need a miracle, she needed solid evidence and preferably a confession!

Where was Anakin?

The booths full of reporters bustled and flickered to life. Hovering droid cams and several journalists jockeying for position as they were all allowed into the courtroom. Too soon. The Blue Guard slammed the rifle butts on the floor, the doors reopened for the jury to file back in. She’d know the moment they’d gotten her that it was too fast, too soon. Ahsoka clenched her fists as the jurors and the Chancellor took their seats. Padme rested a hand on her shoulder and they both looked up. It was happening far too soon.

Why had she expected anything else? The Order had expelled her. Her Master, Master Yoda, had said she was as good as guilty. Where was Anakin?

Padme’s fingernails dig into her shoulder in surprise more than anything, the pain is probably the only reason that Ahsoka can hear the full sentence.

“From a nearly unanimous vote, the jury has found Ahsoka Tano guilty of treason, terrorism, and sedition. These charges hold the most severe of punishments this Republic can give; death.” Chancellor Palpatine is staring at her with a ferocious a frown on his face. Her hands go numb, and her heart begins to race. She can’t breath.

Death. Capital punishment. It’s not a surprise, not really, Ahsoka has not been allowed to forget that it is the only acceptable outcome according to some of her clone guards. Angry men, so different from any brother she’s ever known, men who sneer down at her. Men who brought trays of food, with barely anything fit for a carnivore, before taking them away with a hiss that she should eat or they could stop bringing her food. Ahsoka had known on a base level that some troopers had to be cruel or thought they were better than non engineered sentients. It was something different to experience it, to sit restrained as they threaten to bring the sentence down early and quickly. One man, who has little red dots just above his visor, he promises to make it quick and swears he’ll help put her down. Each of them believing fervently that they are doing their duty to the Republic, each of them sure that she is a clone killer. Ahsoka has known she will either be freed or be killed, really there is no in between with the charges.

It’s still a shock and Ahsoka can’t seem to concentrate over the ringing in her head, over the fuzziness in her montrals, and the frantic buzzing of the force along her skin. Senator Amidala speaks passionately, as if her will and anger will change the course of fate. But strangely Ahsoka can’t hear the words but she knows she must be processing. The call of an appeal, the call for a lesser sentence, the call for a fair trial. Most likely. But it makes sense, more sense than she thought it could. Ahsoka has been living on fumes, running on empty, and whatever last bit of energy was in her simply knocked loose now.

Ahsoka let herself become numb. She turned her face to stare up at the Council, and for the first time wondered who had actually been on her side. From the split Council to the split jury. Her mind quiets and Ahsoka simply stares blankly instead of seeing. A split vote meant very little right now. Not when her own Master is sitting right up there and for all his insistence that he wanted to help her, for all he professed his love in his own way, her Master stays silent.

Master Yoda had once sat with her during a meditation, explaining through impressions and even some vague memories on how she should let the Force guide her. That she was not more important or all knowing, that she needed to have faith that it would do what was needed. Knowing when to speak up and knowing when to be silent, and always, always listening to the will of the Force.

Ahsoka hoped that he could sense something she could not. She hoped that it had nothing to do with letting this injustice stand. She hoped that he would fight.

Yoda stood, his gaze catching hers for a moment, his ears drooping, and was gone.

Hands grabbed her by the arms and shoulders, turning her around and forcing her to walk. Ahsoka lets them, she can hear the tone of Padme’s voice. Padme who had treated her like an equal and been so unshakable. Full of anger and fear. They walk at a decent clip despite her inability to focus. One of the clones said something to her that she couldn’t quite understand. A few of the symptoms make her remember taking a basic medical course; probably some sort of shock she decides. Kix’s stoney face as he told her how to better identify battle shock. Probably not a head cold with a sudden onset. Probably. Her fingers tingle and as she swallows against the collar Ahsoka can feel something vibrating in her chest. Alright, definitely shock. Thank the Force these men don’t have the same mods as her men. The 501st had practically blanket installed those ultrasonic scanners just for her. She’s pretty sure she’s whining in some upper range. 

In the lower levels, at the warehouse, Ahsoka wonders if any of them could hear her low pitched humming from the burns and broken bones.

The lift doors open and in a blink Ahsoka has apparently traveled down a hallway and up a second lift. They pause at a large set of blast doors that open ponderously. Yawning like an akul after a  meal. Outside, not clean or fresh air, it simply can’t be on Coruscant, but a breeze that dances across her skin. Air that focuses her and helps wake her up a bit. Sun that dazzles. She stands straighter under the sun and in the air, sweeping her gaze around wondering why she’s being taken from the prison at all. There’s no need to move her from her cell until at least-Ahsoka focuses again. A cacophony of voices in her mind,  _ be mindful of the here and now. _

When all else fails you remember these words. There is no emotion there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is no death, there is no death-

The only thing she sees is a stake in the ground, a small spot where they will attach her cuffs. A wall behind that with a line painted at chest height for Troopers.

Oh.

GAR style then.

Some small part of her is grateful for that, they probably thought she wouldn’t be. But to be allowed to die as a Commander of the GAR, if not as a Jedi, it did mean something to her. More than they probably knew. She could hear the clamor of shouting behind them, flashes of lightning. No, not lightning there’s no thunder or rain and it’s so very bright. Ahsoka suddenly realizes it’s not lightning but cameras. This isn’t some sort of scare tactic. The Chancellor was apparently very serious when he had said immediate execution.

She’ll never remember covering the distance to the execution spot, just the feeling of her restraints being moved behind her back. Cutting into her wrists. The way the crude mechanism had sent a shudder up her arms as it closed.

Ten Clone Troopers, all in white, nothing to identify them with their rifles at the ready. The way the sun is so blinding after a half month without it.

She doesn’t need the Force to know this was a trap.

This was all set before she’d even been sentenced. They had known, they had already known the verdict and had prepared for her execution before a single discussion had happened. She’d never had a chance. Ahsoka felt like she was either going to shake apart or turn into solid lead. The Chancellor had already decided and these men had been prepared while she’d spent a pitiful three hours waiting out the jury’s historically short verdict which had been pre decided. Had the troopers volunteered or were they ordered? Ahsoka couldn’t reach out to see if she knew any of them, not with the force dampeners still on her. She wonders who they are all the same. Krell had almost made her men execute one another, would the Republic have asked her men, those same men to execute her? Would they have said yes? Who wouldn’t rather put their own akk dog down after all. They must feel so betrayed, she thinks. Ahsoka regrets that almost more than anything. Regrets that her men will think she was a traitor.

She thinks briefly that perhaps she shouldn’t have so many regrets. As a Jedi she should have let them go. There’s just so many of them.

Commander Fox lifts his hand to signal at the ready and the rifles lift. Ahsoka doesn’t know when he got there, her head turns for a moment to watch him. She’d always assumed these things took more time. Maybe she’s just lost that time. Let it pass her and roll off of her. Ahsoka is scared and grateful that she won’t remember how long it took, and she knows it won’t be much longer. The precision aimed rifles in the hands of well trained clones is a relief to her. She is still so scared. His hand starts to drop and Ahsoka turns her eyes forward again. Plain white armor, burnished to a gleaming finish.

Pain, burning, twisting. Ahsoka doubles over with her vision blurring. A stunningly bright splatter of blood as her organs shift causing the blaster wounds to ooze. Cauterization doesn’t count for much on body shots. She gasps but can’t seem to breath, Ahsoka can’t right herself and hangs from her restraints instead.

Ahsoka would have laughed. Of course, the impeccable aim of clones failing her when she needed it most. Blood dribbles down her legs, the entire universe seemed to focus on that moment and-

There is no death, there is the Force.

  
  


Ahsoka dreams, or has visions, or sees through the gray place. Maybe all of them. Maybe none.

  
  


She was small and cold and scared, hidden away in the permafrost, all shuddering breath and flashing white lights.

A deep, dark warmth enveloped her, pulled, dragged. Like gasping for air after drowning. A painful even if necessary thing. She twisted against it for a moment, in panic. It pulled her up. A rough hug, an exhausted and grateful woosh of air. Like oil, and ozone, and drakar nuts with fruit. Like safety. Like sweat and metallic shavings, dye and polish. Caf. Safety. Incense and rooibos tea, leather cream and tuneless humming. Safety and help, stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with us.

The warm darkness pulled her not down, but up, always up towards a far off light no matter how she struggled. The light had hurt, it  _ still hurts _ . She tugged backwards and it threw itself against her. Back to the feeling of warm soil and soft grass, of the many hands and songs. And they pulled at her gently, stars and planets and runway lights all chanting safe, safe, safe.

Ok. Ok. I’m \scared\, it \hurts\\.

/I know/ /We know/ /I’m so sorry/ /Don’t go back, never go back/

/Come back/ /Please/

\It hurts\

/I know/

Gasping again, cold air on flushed skin; a blanket and a smile. He smiled at her. Some great disembodied face or sense or smell. They are both huddled under a blanket that doesn’t reach their waists. Ahsoka stared confused, brother? He swelled and laughed, a kind of joy. No, wait, brother was, brother was different wasn’t he? Yes he was tall and so very bright. No, no he wasn’t, he was brother, he was not. Soft fur on his head, but horns. Laughter like thunderstorms and a ready smile. She sees for a moment an image of some horned animal and knows it’s supposed to be her. Of course, she remembers him dimly. Only he would have the gall to call her a goat. She snorts and he laughs, shaking the very sky. She is alone as he is the sun. She sits faithfully on the earth waiting for his return. He’s gone in the drifting purple clouds. Others come, she can tell them apart now. They all come as things they are not. If this planet was real it would make a hell of a study. The moon and stars, the wind and rain. They all come blurring together as they pass. But the sun is always there, just the same gentle warmth bouncing images at her and taking them from her. Honey brown eyes, blue and white, whirring servos, another day in paradise. Warm smiles and twinkling eyes full of tears. A group of small dots in the sky, little shooting stars asking after her. And it warms her even as it hurts more and more to breath. She can’t remember them exactly, but she knows them, she knows she knows them.

Then she remembers who he is and the sky turns yellow and orange. It falls on her and she’s kicking up through an ocean to reach for him, the sand rushing past in bubbles and she almost chokes forcing her way up. Her mouth and nose fill with salt and hail but she swims with all her might. Always up towards the storm and the sky and the wind.

\Anakin, Skyguy\

His heartbroken laughter, echoing back as he digs for her. Throwing handfuls of snow and slush behind him as he tries to reach her. The freezing water dribbles from his finger tips onto her sandy face as she struggles to pull her arms free. /Ahsoka, Ahsoka, Ahsoka/

He grabs her by the forearm and they float for a moment in some space in between, he wraps himself around her. The burning strength of his power hidden away, just enough to warm her. To light the path forward. She watches it for a moment hesitant but understanding, she has to walk this path alone and the first step is always the hardest. She doesn’t want to. But she can hear the force now, distinct and different. Calling her, demanding her.  _ Here,here, here, here, here, here! _ So she steps forward.

She cries and clutches to him. It hurts, they hurt her. They hadn’t planned on letting her go. Anakin had been the only one to try, it’s a bitter and unfair thought. Padme had tried. Obi-Wan had tried. Rex had tried. They had all tried! The warmth turns to fire and she burns. Doubled over, vomiting in pain and it goes away. She kneels wiping at her mouth alone, the lights too bright to see anything besides yellow and white spots on the inside of her eyelids.

Hello?

_ /Can you hear me?/ _ Obi-Wan, he’s here.

Of course, why wouldn’t she? (I died, I died, I died, I died)

/You’re ok, you’re in bacta at the temple, you’re going to be let out soon/ Anakin’s here.

It still \hurts\\.

/That’s inside now, that’s not something we can just…/

\You there?\

/I won’t leave you Ahsoka, not this time./

She’s grateful, so grateful and happy and loves these men.

/Call me your furry brother./

She smiles, yeah, \smells like a bantha\ too.

Anakin laughs, and it feels like a gentle summer rain. She breathes in deeply, and presses her fingers onto the glass. She finally opens her eyes to dark blue, vague shapes with blue halos. She feels both wary and relieved. The Halls of Healing. How many times has she woken like this? Too many. She’s not sure how many more times she’ll be afforded. They threw her out. She’s died twice now, once for them and once by them. It’s familiar.

The top slides away and she lets the machine pull her out, the tubes coming out of her throat moments before she does. Ahsoka has never managed to not inhale a mouth full of bacta when that happens, she’s been told that it’s alright to do so. But it still tingles and burns as she coughs. A towel is wrapped around her shaking body, large hands patting her dry as she coughs and smears the sickly sweet smelling substance around her eyes and wills herself not to cry. He’s kept his promise twice now, he found the truth and he’s here.

And she shouldn’t be.

And the coughing turns into a sob far too quickly.

She’s disoriented, she’s been disoriented for years, but now more than ever. But she’s not alone now. Anakin is there, holding her in a crushing hug and letting the pungent bacta soak into his coveralls, his own nose pushing hard against the top of her head. Someone behind her, the pulse comes slowly, Obi-Wan. He pats her dry and simply pushes a bit of himself out to her, the mental equivalent of the tight hug Anakin is still giving her. Ahsoka can’t stop her tears and she can’t stop the ache that comes. She shouldn’t  **be** here.

_ You were never meant to be a Jedi. _

She’d forgotten, she’d lied to herself to pretend it all made sense. But the force had always told her,  _ enjoy this for it will not always be here _ . She feels like she is five years old again, staring at Master Sullus with heavy guilt as he asks about what she wants to do as a Knight. It feels like it did when Master Plo asked for her on Shili; right but horribly heavy too. It’s all she’s ever wanted to be, it’s all she’s ever been. She was never meant to have it.

She can feel Anakin’s heartbreak and worry. She’s projecting. After so many years of having helped him conceal she’s the one having a flare up. It causes her to bark out a laugh between the dying sobs. Anakin’s grip loosens and she panics, fisting his work tunic tighter. \No! Please!\

“I’m not leaving. You’re safe. Rest. Be calm. Sleep.” Anakin’s voice is soft and mumbled, but soothing all the same. It’s a mind trick, it scares her even as she’s grateful for it.

“It’s alright Ahsoka, we have you now. You are here, just sleep for a bit, we’ll talk when you’ve slept off the bacta,” Obi-Wan’s voice is firm but kind. It’s the same voice he always uses when she’s come out of bacta and is half slurring. It’s comforting.

_ Sleep. It’s over now, it’s over now. Sleep. _

Her mind is too addled to know who is saying what. And rest does sound good. She’ll wake up from it, she’ll wake up this time.

“Sleep, you are safe.”

Yes, yes sandwiched between her two oldest friends Ahsoka can finally believe that. Right here, right now, she is safe. She is tired.

Ahsoka finally sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay, this was one of those chapters that I just couldn't seem to get right. Someday I'll come back and spruce this up into something more like I want it to be.
> 
> For now, just the epilogue to go!
> 
> (and then the couple of side fics that I have for this)


	7. Qeta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoda starts to grapple with his own inner darkness, and even he knows he's started to do this far too late. Far too late.

Yoda knew that there was an opinion of him out in the Order. Several in fact, but one that seemed to penetrate deeply into the psyche of the Jedi. That Grandmaster Yoda was either very wise or very foolish. He had always found it to be a strange sort of opinion, after all one could be both wise and foolish. He just wasn’t sure which he was.

The last five years had been...rough didn’t really begin to describe it. He had felt the darkness rising, he struggled under its weight as it gorged itself on war, he thought he had stood tall under its talons. He had not. Yoda could admit that now. He had crumbled under the onslaught. Had allowed it to control him. Darkness inside himself, the darkness that all beings naturally have, he’d let it rule him. Maybe for years. Yoda tried to find a place to pin it, as if there had been a turning point for him. The more he looked the less he seemed to find. It was not a singular event that had cracked him but a slew of them. Each so small as to be ignored when they happened. Each so small that he could not hope to recognize them all. 

So many of them though, so many, were connected to his ego. Connected to the way he had treated his Padawan. Connected to his fears.

Yan Dooku had been a precious and precocious youngling. He’d had many natural talents and a level head. But he’d still been a child. A boy who had cried after criticism, who had been terrified of thunder, who had run to his Master for almost every problem. Yoda had been proud of his Padawan, proud of the way Yan had grown so quickly in his maturity. He became a staunch young man. Yan was trained perfectly to join the old guard and Yoda had already tapped him to sit on one of the Councils. Yoda had loved Yan, but had been as strict and rigid in his teaching as he had been with himself. Traditions and trainings, hardening the body and the mind, allowing his logic to rule over his passions. They had of course fought, all training pairs would fight one another. Yoda had simply assumed that their arguments were more academic in nature. Yan had continued to be a good if strict man for years and years, until he wasn’t. The arguments became deeper, more cutting. More emotional.

Yoda could remember the day that Dooku had come and blasted his old Master over his sister Padawan. Yoda could remember how angry that had made him, how hurt he’d felt, how foolish he felt when Dooku had to dismiss Ahsoka. He had let his former apprentice know in no uncertain terms that Ahsoka was a child and off limits to his mercurial attitude.

It had been the last time the two spoke face to face before Count Dooku left the Order.

Yoda had tried, he’d really tried to be less strict with Ahsoka. She was very young and prone to emotional outbursts. He adjusted as she grew, making sure to not coddle her and instead get her to learn on her own. Ahsoka was not like him, nor was she like her brother Padawan. Ahsoka was a maverick in the making and Yoda had tried to stop that.  It only drove her questionable behaviors underground, the worst of which being her insistence on helping to train Skywalker. Yoda had waited for her to admit to him what she was doing. He had waited for her to apologize. He had waited for her to make reparations for disobeying the High Council and her Master. He’d been left waiting a long time. It strained their relationship, not the first strain no, but a significant one. Yoda had been prepared to call both of them to him, to call Qui Gon and Obi-Wan as well if that’s what it took. He would call on every Jedi who was helping Skywalker, and there were so very many of them behind the scenes.

Yoda was the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order. He was a High Council Member. He would not have his authority undermined by those who believed they deserved special considerations.

Then the war came. The war came and everything changed so fast. Ahsoka was injured and recovering in the Temple while he was flitting across the galaxy. If he was planetside, Yoda found his time spent locked in the Council chamber or locked into the Chancellor’s office. The least of his worries was Skywalker’s attitude, especially as it seemed that his illicit training was helping his control. Then Anakin joined the GAR and Yoda happily wrote him off. Let him go forth, let him leave the Temple in greater peace. Yoda had far larger problems to occupy his time. In fact by the time that Ahsoka had healed, Yoda needed someone he trusted out in the field. So out she went. It would give her a way to grow, to gain leadership skills he’d planned on teaching her anyways. Dooku may have fallen but Ahsoka, Ahsoka was full of promise and hope.

It clouded his vision further. When had he been concerned by his own lineage? When had he become so cold to those seeking knowledge and to better themselves? Each choice seemed logical when he’d made them.

He’d been so foolish and so blind…

The war dragged them apart further and Yoda found he didn’t have enough time to even worry about his Padawan. He’d been almost relieved to send Ahsoka to train under Obi-Wan’s purview. Side by side with Skywalker. Let her grow and experience the realities of responsible leadership without him looming over her. Yoda had of course been concerned about Ahsoka’s growing nervousness and anger, but he believed firmly that trials were meant to be difficult. That Jedi were meant to overcome trials. That they would both be fine. Years passed in the blink of an eye. His time with his Padawan becoming even more sparse, holo calls becoming less frequent as the two checked in via text. The few times he did see her she was distant, cut off, almost churlish in his opinion. As if he was not busy, as if he did not have troubles of his own. His ego.

So when Ahsoka returned he of course suggested that she handle the bombing case. Ahsoka had passed all her trials, this would cement it. She would be Knighted.

When the GAR contacted them to say that Ahsoka had murdered Letta Turmond, Yoda had watched the video and felt his heart shatter.

When Tarkin had been able to present evidence of Ahsoka’s involvement, flimsy as it was, Yoda had felt hollow.

Another of his Padawans; fallen. He’d half heard the Council discussion and half heard the Chancellor’s request to send her through the public GAR courts. There was something wrong inside of him for two of his students to fall. Yoda had been grateful for Mace and Plo, pushing back, trying to ensure that Ahsoka could at least be tested for darkness first. He could not. He could not make any arguments for her without tipping scales, without accusations of favoritism. That night he meditated on the situation. Perhaps she had fallen, perhaps this was a final trial. Perhaps it was a trial not for her but for him. The Force whispered to him, faintly, confusing and lost. Which was it pushing him towards? The Force was silent once more. Yoda had shown favoritism by assigning this to her, there were plenty of other Jedi, more experienced Jedi who should have been on the case. Perhaps his attachment had blinded him. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

He remembered sitting with her on Naboo and watching her struggle against the dark. He sat with her as she cried and raged over the deaths of her men. He watched as she withdrew into herself after Mortis. He watched as she took a second blade, took a more aggressive stance than he’d taught. The way she’d been cut loose. Too much slack, too much freedom. Too many emotions left unchecked. It did not matter if she had been influenced by Skywalker. It did not matter if it was something in him. She had been allowed to go rogue and perhaps to fall.

When the guards had escorted her from her cell to the Chamber of Judgment, Yoda had been confident he knew what to do. He could feel the twisting inside of her as she stood there. The way she didn’t fully lower her shields to him in the bond. The still muted, half hidden confidence that she stood there with.

It had been Yoda’s mistakes that allowed another powerful force user to fall. It would be Yoda’s actions to curtail it. There would not be another Sith in the galaxy. He would not allow it.

Force bonds are sensitive things, connecting Jedi’s souls and minds together. Their bond was eleven years old, mature with deep roots stretching far into them. It was a risk to them both, but Yoda knew that the Council had to understand. That the Sentinels and the GAR and the Senate had to understand that he was not giving her special treatment. He needed her to understand what her actions had wrought. He touched that bond faintly the night before, hopeful and crushed and torn. Yoda had learned how to harden his spirit, to make choices to benefit the Order and the Republic even if they cut to the bone. He severed their training bond. Ahsoka had gasped, collapsed into the strong grip of her guards, and was escorted out. Yoda ignored the shock he felt in the Chamber, he ignored the small wave of pain. Ahsoka had friends on the Council, but he had told her truthfully years ago that he could never be one of them. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t even think of helping a rogue Jedi.

What a mistake. What a crowning failure amongst all his failures. He’d known as soon as he’d been told that Ahsoka had escaped. The Force, clearer than he had heard it in years spoke to him. Like the clear tone of a bell drifting through a silent room. Sudden but lingering.

_ What have you done? _

It was too late. It was far too late. Even as he followed the worn path between their minds, blank and dark and devoid of what he had known for years, Yoda had known. The greatest mistake he could have made. His Padawan would pay for his mistakes. Where once he could easily find the white rocky vistas that made the edges of her soul, now he could only find a muddy red canyon. Yoda stood on his side, and looked across at her. Ahsoka was running, flitting between cover and so far away. He couldn’t speak, but Yoda held out his hands. He willed her to make the jump, that he would catch her. That he would help her, that he wanted to help her. The Force had shuddered, the images breaking, multiplying, blurring. Then he felt her excitement, she had thrown it and her anger across. Invisible balls that passed through his hands and left hot melted patches underfoot.

_ What have you done? _

She was gone. She was gone and now...there was nothing he could do. The path had been chosen. He had been foolish. He had allowed darkness to turn his head.

Yoda felt the delayed whiplash of their bond severing, and finally relented. He had hurt far more than he had helped.

_ What have you done now? _

He let his medical pod shuttle him to the Council Chamber when summoned that evening, his concentration turned inwards.

There had been nanodroids in the warehouse where they found her.

She had been beaten within an inch of her life.

A piece of flimsiplast with a half deciphered code was found on her, instruction on the next bombing.

She still felt light to him, tired and scared, but shining with light even as she slept through the stun bolts.

Had he been right? No. He knew he had not and foolishly held onto that false hope like one might cling to a shiny but worthless pebble.

They had dunked her in bacta and paraded her out in a prison jumpsuit a scant three weeks later. Yoda had sat in his seat over her trial and watched her, reaching softly through the Force. As each piece of evidence was presented he detached more and more. Not emotionally but almost from his body. Everything on the floor said she was guilty but the Force once heard could not be ignored. His fellow Councilors shifting uneasily in their seats as their attention split between the court and their Grandmaster. Obi-Wan’s stoney silence and Plo’s icy facade burned against him. When the jury had finally retired and Ahsoka was led away their little space practically exploded. Ideas and thoughts formed and thrown and shared. Ahsoka would be found guilty, no matter what they could sense she would be sentenced. Petitioning the Senate. Petition the Chancellor! We can demand her back as a force user, the Order is responsible for the punishment of all force sensitives. Station men from Torrent, Ghost, Wolf Pack at the prison. Transfer them if need be. Can we distract the public, a PR campaign so we can handle this quietly? The banging returned them to the physical moment and Yoda tried to will his gaze through the lights to his Padawan. Too soon. For one brief moment there was practically chaos in their box as last minute ideas were pitched. They froze as she was sentenced. Capital Punishment was outlawed, the death sentence was illegal, it should have never even- _ RUN _ .

They had to get there first, Obi-Wan had flown out the door, Mace stalking close behind, and Yoda hobbling as fast as he fell behind his fellow Councilors. They had to get there and, and then what? For a brief moment Yoda imagined defecting completely, saving his Padawan, running away from the Republic together. It was crushed under the weight of the backlash that would cause. He could not, he could not, perhaps Skywalker could though. Voice drifted around him as they began to pack onto the square.

It was Obi-Wan’s that seemed to reach him first, “This, this was planned, they planned this!”

Of course they had, the jury wouldn’t have naturally just handed out an execution. Planned by who was the real question. It was destabilizing for the Republic and the Order, it tarnished them both, it tarnished him, and it brought an ugly new attitude with it. If they could execute a Jedi there was no one safe. Who? Could Dooku? As Yoda continued to work his way to the front he heard Obi-Wan’s voice again from a memory not so long passed.  _ He said a Sith controls the Senate. _

Blinded by his fear of Sith he had failed to protect anyone from it’s influence. Yoda had just reached the clear front row when he registered the clones there, men suddenly so quiet in the Force. There was nothing he could do as he saw the clones fire, saw the moment Ahsoka’s eyes reflexively closed. There was shouting and her body went limp. It was Mace’s restraining hand that stopped him from rushing forwards. This was wrong, this was his fault, this was  _ wrong _ . Bursting onto the square as if summoned Skywalker ran at the head of a team of medics with Senator Amidala shortly behind, and the Chancellor behind her. Someone else had saved her while he had stood by and watched in shock. He had not trusted her, he had not believed her, he had not been kind or compassionate towards her, and he had not helped but hindered her escape. He had no right to go to her now. Yoda turned and found himself staring in confusion at the Chancellor’s apologetic frown. Palpatine’s face drawn and pale, shock and deep regret shining from his watery eyes. For one brief moment Yoda was prepared to forgive him but...but...

Palpatine had been more than willing to prepare a public execution. The trial had been a farce and his apprentice had paid the price of the Chancellor’s greed for power. Once more innocents had paid for Palpatine’s ambitions, and his own blindness. Yoda felt it then, the darkness in him rippling in anger. He stared the Chancellor down as an apology was offered and left without a word.

Once more Ahsoka was placed in a bacta tank, small robotic arms performing surgery even as she started to heal. Yoda had only gone once to ensure she was being cared for, and he had left before any could notice him. From the safety of his quarters he wrote a formal request to meet with Ahsoka if and only if she would permit it. He’d tried to tell Master Che as he’d left but the words shriveled on his tongue. The least he could do was apologize in person. The least he could do was accept whatever decisions she would make from here.

One week later he sat at his desk, staring at the empty spot where Ahsoka had sat dutifully for years. A small bag of sweets lay half spilled across his files, dropped when he’d realized what he’d been holding. Under his tense fingers was a small burn spot that Ahsoka had made when accidently activating her lightsaber, she’d been so small and so unused to having it on her belt. She’d been terribly worried about his desk and he had been grateful she still had her left leg. He couldn’t remember though if he’d ever told her that.  _ You must let go. _ Yoda torn his gaze away from it to a pot of, frankly, undrinkable tea. She had teased him for years, promised to teach him and threatened to make caf. That wide mischievous grin he had worked to smother.  _ You must leave. _ Yoda’s ears drooped as he looked again at the datapad. The official notification that Ahsoka Tano, recently renewed to them as a Jedi Knight, had formally left the Order. Below that was the notification that Anakin Skywalker had formally left the Order and his papers accepting his resignation from the GAR. He wasn’t surprised in the least, the two had been stuck at the hip for almost as long as he’d known them. Yoda was only surprised that Masters Jinn and Kenobi were not on the list under them. Perhaps that was only a matter of time. For all his discipline, he’d been stalling for almost half an hour now to sign off on it, making it official. Then he would need to request severance pay and start the paperwork granting them citizenship as regular members of the Republic. Yoda would still need to set up their stipends after that and approve transfers into their posts. Reassign quarters and return any items they would leave behind to the Quartermaster. 

He’d have to reassign Anakin’s living space in the Temple. He’d have to empty Ahsoka’s room. 

There was much he would have to do...and if he just waited a moment longer he could pretend that none of it had happened.  _ It is time. _ He could at least pretend he had in fact been as wise and kind as he had thought.

Yoda let the warmth from the sun soak into his back before putting his thumbprint and signature onto the paperwork. He watched intently as the light flashed green and the requests disappeared. A moment later a new mundane request replaced it as if the previous one had never existed at all. For all he had avoided this moment he had returned often to meditation, seeking aid from the Force. Seeking assistance and approval. Seeking anything to prevent this from ever happening again. It whispered to him, soft but insistent and he had sworn not to ignore its call again.

Master Yoda pulled up his own formal declaration, the one stating that his position on the Council had swayed its votes. The one reminding all Councilors that Master Windu was the rightful Head of the Order. The one where he formally denounced his former title as Grandmaster. Someone else would be granted the title and all of its benefits and curses.  

The Force whispered to him as he stood giving his office one last look before heading towards his personal ship.  _ Dagobah _ . He needed to travel to Dagobah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for following along during this frankly epic set of stories! While I will take a break from this universe for a while, I do have a few more stories to post into the series in the future so yay for that!
> 
> Again, I appreciate everyone's comments and kudos, it really helped me to finish this instead of abandoning it a few chapters in. Y'all amazing!
> 
> Finally a few clarifications:  
> This is an AU rotating around 3 big ideas. 1. Anakin is found later in life then in cannon. 2. Ahsoka chooses to investigate the strange room when she's 6 instead of leaving, altering her fate. 3. Yoda actually starts to learn his lesson. Because at the end of the day this is something of a fix-it verse.
> 
> I'll probably post my rambling thoughts about several things, including where the hell is Palpatine because his Sheevery is increasing in the background noise.
> 
> And some (very rough) chapter title translations, huzzah!  
> 1\. Ikutloa-Hearing  
> 2\. Mamela-Listen  
> 3\. Koaloa-Join  
> 4\. Bobolu-Gossip  
> 5\. Ntoa- War  
> 6\. Lefu-Death  
> 7\. Qeta- End

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are, going into what was originally my Nanowrimo story. Didn't make count but certainly got a ways along. See you in the next chapter!


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